As I was reading the May 2010 issue of Essence magazine, I came across an article called Why Don’t We Get Married? It caught my attention because it reminded me of the articles that I have written, so I got comfortable and read the article.
Four black men were interviewed for this article, and one trend that I saw in what they had to say was that black women are too dominant, and doesn’t want to allow the man to take the wheel. I remember hearing the same kind of thing when I was watching a debate about this on the Tyra show.
First, I don’t know very many women who admit to wanting the man to take the wheel. Yeah, a lot of married women usually end up submitting to their husbands, but I never hear women say they want to submit. So why should black women be criticized for not wanting to submit if no other race wants to submit, either?
Because black men choose to leave the family, black women are left to take care of themselves and their children all on their own. This has been happening for years. It’s happened so long that the vast majority of black children (70%) are in fatherless homes. When black women had to take care of all the duties all alone for so many years, submitting to someone can be scary for these women. Black men have been negligent, and we are basically asked to submit to someone that has abandoned us and the children. I don’t think black women trust black men enough to submit to them. How do we know that they won’t just up and leave again?
They also touched on the fact that successful black women find it hard to find a mate because black men are intimidated by their success. One of the men said, “Too many women feel that because they went to a top university and make a certain amount of money, that they are entitled to a certain type of man. You are not entitled to anything.”
What a jerk, right? When a woman of any race accomplishes a lot in her life, why can’t she set higher standards? Besides, when black men achieve success, they leave us to date other races. So why can’t black women do it? Why can’t black women desire bigger and better things once they achieve success?
Yes, maybe we can be a little pushy, bossy, or masculine. I’m sure that’s a turn off for men. But I think that we are like that for a reason. It is not our choice to be dominant. We are dominant because black men have neglected us and left us with no choice but to take control. I think a woman taking control is a good thing, but it’s only a good thing if she chooses to be that way. Independence by force is never good. Independence should be a choice.
How long are black men going to blame us for all the issues in the black community? They do whatever the hell they want to do, then have the nerve to question us and our actions as if it’s our fault why they can’t get it together. If they want us to submit, then they have to prove that they are trustworthy. Until then, we’re the boss!
Other Associated Content articles you may be interested in:
Why Black Men Don’t Get Married Part 3: Is a Good Black Woman Hard to Find?
Why Black Women Don’t Get Married
Black Women Dating Women: Are They Expanding Their Options?
Black Children & Education: Closing the Gap Between White & Black Students
Black Men Dating Other Races: An Issue of Betrayal
Why Mothers Abuse Children & Why Child Abuse May Never Be Properly Addressed
Why Black Men Don’t Get Married
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