In the April 2010 issue of Ebony magazine, four black men were interviewed about their dating life. All four men expressed difficulty finding a good black woman. They bought up some very interesting points that I would like to share with you.
One man by the name Jon, is 5 ft. 10 in., attractive, and an accountant manager. Sounds good right? Well, he’s single and expressed that it’s hard for him to find a good black woman because a lot of black women are looking to the past. He says that by the time women get in their 30’s, they are emotionally unavailable because they are constantly worrying about the one or two good guys that got away from them.
Is this true? I’m not thirty, but I haven’t had any experiences with a good guy getting away from me. I never hear other black women talk about this kind of thing, either. Most black women complain that there are very few good black men out there. I never hear black women reminiscing about that good black man that got away.
I’m sure for some people, this may be correct. I have heard my mom say that a good man purposed to her, and she turned him down. He later went off and married someone else. She only mentioned it once in my lifetime. It never sounded like she was bothered or hurt by it.
Maybe my mom and other black women have had some experiences with one or two men in their past that they wished they didn’t let go. Men always have regrets of letting a good woman go. If men have these regrets, I’m sure some of us have them too.
He also said that women in their 20’s are more optimistic than women in their 30’s. Maybe this is true, too. Younger women probably have less baggage since we haven’t been around as much. But then again we probably are more optimistic because we’re too naïve to care about reality. You know what they say, “Ignorance is bliss.”
Jon says that 30+ year old black women are already set in their ways. I believe that this may have a spark of truth because I’ve heard it from many black men and women. So many black women have been single for such a large portion of their lives, that they grow accustomed to the liberty of the single life. They may not know how to be someone’s partner since they’ve been alone for so long.
But whose fault is it that black women are accustomed to being single? Is it the black woman’s fault that black men didn’t want to be with her for a large portion of her life? Is it her fault that she’s accustomed to doing everything on her own? Black men complain about black women being emotionally unavailable, but to me, it looks as if black men are also emotionally unavailable since black women are always alone. Neither side is available to the other.
Another guy, 25 year old Zack says that the good women are too busy chasing the bad men. They aren’t giving the good men a chance to catch up with them because they have their eyes on someone else. I think he made a good point as well. Most black women are good women in my opinion, but we do have a bad habit of chasing men that aren’t any good–at least us “optimistic” young ones.
Young black women want a man that looks and talks like T.I. or Lil’ Wayne. What we don’t realize is that these kinds of men have never been classified as good people– let alone a good boyfriend, husband, or father. Both Lil Wayne and T.I. have multiple baby mamas and aren’t married to any of them. They also have been jailed for illegal weapon possession. Wow, how desirable…
37 year old Barry says that he’s had a hard time in the dating field because of superficial women. He’s five feet and seven inches, and feels that women don’t want to date a short man. He says that women are judging men on appearance and are missing out on good men because they aren’t open to everyone.
I know this to be true as well. I have had issues like this in my own life. I have prejudged men, and they have prejudged me. Everyone has a “type” and that’s all they go for. No one is willing to mingle and get to know a type of person that looks different from the other people they are usually attracted to. But have we ever asked ourselves this question: “What if my soul mate isn’t my “type”? “What if the person that I’m supposed to spend the rest of my life with looks like Jimmy Walker? Or Whoopi Goldberg?”
After reading the Ebony article, it really made we think about the real reasons why black men and women marry far less than white men and women. Although I believe the points that I made in my previous articles are valid, it’s still nice to see this issue from the black male perspective.
Other articles you may be interested in:
Why Black Men Don’t Get Married
Why Black Men Don’t Get Married 2
Why Black Women Don’t Get Married
Black Women Dating Women: Are They Expanding Their Options?
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