Sometimes it might be subtle, other times though it might be like a brick wall falling on. You discover that people you consider your friends have started to make plans to do things, and they don’t include you. What do you do? For most people, the best thing to do is to try to hold your emotions in check as you try to figure out what has happened that might have led to this current circumstance. Is it possible that they are all angry at you for something that you are unaware of? Or maybe you’ve been behaving differently towards them of late; or maybe, someone new has come along and taken over your role in the group. Or, it might be something that has more to do with you than them.
One of the most common reasons people find themselves suddenly, or not so suddenly, not being invited on
outings with their friends is because they’ve become less of a participant in the group activities. This happens quite often after one of a group of friends gets married for example, or moves to somewhere just a little bit too far to drive very often. It also happens when people get a new job that takes up a lot more of their time than their old job did which leaves less time for a social life.
In other words, more often than not, if your friends start to exclude you, it’s more likely something you’ve done, than something they’ve just decided to up and do to you.
But that still begs the question of what to do.
Well the first thing is to decide if it really matters, other than hurting your feelings that is. Do you miss them? Really? Would you miss them if you just stopped seeing any or all of them complety? How important are they to you, and how important do you think they consider you? It might be that you were never that close to them in the first place.
Once you determine how important they are to you, you need to decide whether to let them slip away, or if you want to keep them in your life.
If you choose to let them slip away, then it’s as easy as not calling them when you want to do something and calling someone else.
If you want to keep them though, you need to be honest with yourself about why you’ve been withdrawing and then deciding if keeping your friends is worth whatever time they might take away whatever has become more important to you. If they’re not, you’re back to the letting them go.
But if you decide they are worth keeping and worth giving up some of what you’ve been doing to do so, then you need to call whoever it is in your group that plans get togethers and get yourself invited to the next one. And then, when you see them, you need to first apologize for backing away from them, then tell them what has caused you to do so, and then that you’ve realized that they are more important to you than you ever thought and would like to be forgiven, and if they forgive you, you promise to rejoin the group and behave as you did in the past. This is of course if they will have you back.
After all, it might be that you have done some horrible thing and that is something you will have to find out from them and then deal with as directly and honestly as you can.