In marriage, it used to be that the man made the money, and then kept track of it; the wife was either given an allowance or was allotted money when it was requested. Clearly things have changed. Women make their own money now, sometimes more than the man they marry. What has not changed however, is the desire, or some might say need, for one spouse to hide some of their shared or individual money, either physically, as in cash in a drawer, or virtually, as in having a secret or private bank account. In either case, there is something afoot when this occurs because hiding money from your spouse is usually a sign of distrust, or plans for an uncertain future.
What to do then if you discover that your spouse has been hiding money from you?
Realistically, you only have two options: tell them you’ve discovered their secret stash, or remain quiet about it. Both have their pros and cons.
In the first option, if you choose to tell your spouse about what you’ve discovered, you once again will find yourself with two options: ask them about it, or confront them. Neither sound like much fun, and both might be laden with complications because when your spouse is hiding money from you, he or she likely has a reason, and it might be a reason you don’t want to hear; such as that they are building up a fund for their private use in the case the two of you split up. Or it might be worse, the fund might be for an illegitimate child they’ve had that you don’t know about, or to support someone they’ve been carrying on with, or to buy them gifts, or to use in covering up other nefarious activities.
The bottom line here is, are you ready willing and able to withstand whatever it is you may uncover if you go to your spouse with the evidence and ask or demand they tell what they money is for and to explain why you’ve been keeping it a secret.
On the other hand, you might choose your second option, and that is to remain silent. Doing so also gives you two options: the first is to close your eyes and pretend that nothing is going on, while the second is to allow you to investigate more on your own.
Burying your head in the sand is a tried and true tactic that many people have used very successfully in many marriages, though it is likely to cause some stress when the memory of what you’ve discovered comes back to you. Also, this can backfire if the reason for the hiding of the money is to leave you.
And, if you choose to hide the fact that you now know about the money that your spouse is hiding from you, you are will become a willing participant in a game of deceit with someone you love, or at least did at one time. Also, if you choose to take this route, what would be your purpose in doing so? To catch your spouse in a lie so that you could hold it against them, or use it against them in court should it come to that? You might want to tread lightly here and really think through what you are doing, because the thing that happens when spouses start to play these sorts of games is, someone winds up getting hurt, sometimes, very badly.
In short, what you should do is consider carefully all of your options and then choose the one you feel is the right one for you and your marriage.