For many of us, the idea of catering our hair color to a boyfriend’s preference is laughable. For others, the topic warrants serious consideration, trying to balance feelings of independence and self-worth with wanting to be accepted and wanting to please. Whether you end up dyeing your hair or not isn’t as important as why you do what you do. Understanding the request in the context of your relationship can help you realize what’s best given your particular circumstances.
Why Did He Ask You to Dye Your Hair? And, How Did He Ask You?
Clearly, why he asked you and how he asked you matter. Just because a guy wonders what you’d look like as a brunette doesn’t mean the relationship is doomed, but anytime a partner makes an abnormal request of your physical appearance, you have every right to take a step back from the situation and analyze what’s going on.
Is he really adventurous, wanting to experiment with hair color together? Is his ex-girlfriend blonde and your being a red-head just isn’t good enough? Is this a test to see your level of commitment? Is this a power struggle? Is this really even about hair?
Did he sheepishly broach the topic, saying sometime in your life you might, maybe, want to think about the possibility of going one shade darker–but only if you want to? Did he demand a dye job, giving you an ultimatum? Did he volunteer a reward for compliance? Did he offer to submit to a request of yours in exchange?
There can be some fairly neutral intentions behind a boyfriend liking the idea of a hair color change for his girlfriend; there can also be some shockingly-bad red flags associated. Figure out what you think your boyfriend’s motivation is and, likewise, ask him what he thinks it is. Openly converse on the topic.
Do You Want to Dye Your Hair? Do You Want to Do it For You or For Him?
If you don’t want to dye your hair, don’t dye your hair. If you do want to dye your hair, why? If it’s really for you, why isn’t it already dyed the color your boyfriend is requesting? When in a relationship, personal judgment can often get clouded. Suddenly, what he wants of you is what you’ve always wanted too, except you didn’t notice until he mentioned it–and until he bought the die and offered to color your hair himself.
If you really want to dye your hair for you, consider waiting six months just to be safe. If he’s still around by then, great. If he’s not, great. You don’t have to set a pattern of changing yourself in superficial ways for someone you like. If he really wants to be with you–the real you–it shouldn’t matter what color your hair is.