California Dried Plum Digestive Month (Aka prunes. Why not call it prune month? “Prune juice makes the going great!”~Ben Franklin)
National Be On-Purpose Month (If I trip you on purpose and you shatter your knee, it’s all legal in January I guess!)
National Clean Up Your Computer Month (aka “clean up all the porn you don’t want your wife to see” month)
Oatmeal Month (Well, I guess in California you’d be eating both. You’d be crapping your brains out so you’d need the oatmeal to bind you up.)
January 1 is Z day. I guess this is for those of us who don’t catch enough of them.
January 3 is J.R.R. Tolkien Day. I’m assuming us short folks are going to be referred to as hobbits on January 3rd.
January 4 is Dimpled Chad Day. I wonder when hanging chad day is. And if you are named Chad-I am so very sorry.
January 5 is Bean Day. As if we don’t fart enough.
January 13 is Rubber Duckie Day. (Rubber duckie you’re the one…)
January 22 is Answer Your Cats’ Questions Day.
January 25 is Bubble Wrap Appreciation Day.
January 27 is Thomas Crapper Day. Be sure to flush your toilet proudly!
Fabulous Florida Strawberry Month (I guess orange month comes later)
Grapefruit Month (my IBS is already acting up and it’s May. Imagine what happens in my birth month of Februrary!)
National Cherry Month
National Condom Month
Pull Your Sofa Off The Wall Month (If your sofa was on the wall wouldn’t that be a bench?)
Spunky Old Broads Month
February 1 is GI Joe Day. It is also Hula in the Coola Day. I’m scared. Very very scared! Even scarier- February 1 is Work Naked Day.
February 4 is Quacker Day. This time you sing about real duckies instead of rubber ones.
February 7 is Man Day.
February 9 is Read in the Bathtub Day. Nothing like getting your favorite book soaked with suds.
February 13 is Madly in Love with ME day. Did they really need a day for all the narcissists out there?February 18 is PLUTO IS A PLANET DAY! That’s right I said it-it is! and it was discovered on my birthday!)February 20 is Northern Hemisphere Hoodie Doo Day. Oh yeah..what do we do on this day?
Humorists are Artists Month (that we are!)
International Mirth Month
National On-Hold Month (This is when Customer Service Reps put everyone on hold for two or more hours while running around the office naked)
March 1 is Beer Day. It is also Pig Day. Somehow these two go together.
March 3 is What if Cats and Dogs Had Opposable Thumbs? Day (then they’d get the frick out of Dodge!)March 4 is National Grammar Day. Hewked On Fonikz Be Four Dem.
March 9 is Panic Day. Yeah, I so don’t need ONE day for this with my disorder.
March 16 is Lips Appreciation Day. I pray they mean those on my face.
March 18 is Awkward Moments Day. Again, I don’t need ONE day for this. It happens often enough .
Grilled Cheese Month
Holy Humor Month (A priest and a rabbi walked into a bar…)
National Knuckles Down Month (I want to know what happens if your knuckles are up!)
Straw Hat Month
April 4 is World Rat Day
April 6 is Teflon Day
April 7 is National Beaver Day and I pray that they mean the furry little animal. The other one should be worshipped everyday.
April 14 is National Be Kind to Lawyers Day
April 17 is BLAH BLAH BLAH day. I’m amused.
April 24 is Sense of Smell day. Pray your donkey doesn’t leave a few meadow muffins or your kid doesn’t have a loaded diaper.
National Egg Month (and boy did I just lay a few!)
National Hamburger Month (I thank my stars I am a vegetarian!)
Sweet Vidalia Onions Month
May 3 is Lumpy Rug Day. That has a double entendre there too. In either case if your rug is lumpy something’s very wrong!
May 4 is Star Wars Day. You are the wookie!
May 7 is No Pants Day. Again I am scared, very scared!
May 12 is Limerick Day (oddly I thought this was done on St Patty’s Day)
May 13 is Root Canal Appreciation Day. What the …?
May 27 is Cellophane Tape Day.
Turkey Lovers Month
National Accordion Awareness Month
National Bathroom Reading Month (seriously though every day is reading in the bathroom day)
June 1 is Heimlich Maneuver Day. This is also known as humans get hairballs too day!
June 2 is National Bubba Day.
June 8 is Upsy Daisy Day. I have no idea what you do on this day.
June 22 is Stupid Guy Thing Day. Please send me pictures of what you do on this day.
National Horseraddish Month
National Hot Dog Month (I say combine the two no?)
July 2 is I Forgot Day. This is when wives show husbands the ‘honey do’ list because honey didn’t and husbands reply with “I forgot.”
July 7 is Chocolate Day. Why make this in the summer? The chocolate will be all melted!
July 10 is Clerihew Day. I’d better see some awesome poems on this day!
July 17 is Woody Wagon Day.
July 27 is Barbie-in-a-Blender Day. I have no idea. I only report these things.
National Panini Month
August 3 is Watermelon Day.
August 5 is National Underwear Day. Please wear some.
August 6 is National Fresh Breath Day. *Holds up some Tic-Tac*. Hey buddy, it’s not an option!
August 7 is National Mustard Day. Please don’t cut it in my presence.
August 18 is Bad Poetry Day.
National Chicken Month
National Coupon Month
National Mushroom Month
Pleasure Your Mate Month (lots of people masturbate during this month I take it!)
September 5 is Be Late to Something Day. For some people that’s every day and they will come early or on time this once.
September 15 is Felt Hat Day.
September 18 is Big Whopper Liar Day.
September 19 is Talk Like A Pirate Day. Arggh maties! I plan on making all o’ ye walk the plank!
Fair Trade Month(As if there shouldn’t be fair trade during the other months….)
International Starman Month
Month of Free Thought (Because yeah you can’t think freely any other time of the year)
National Popcorn Poppin Month
Raptor Month (No other dinosaurs exist apparently.)
Sausage Month (Polish, Italian, Brats?)
October 1 is World Smile Day
October 6 is Mad Hatter Day. I have no idea what you do on this day neither except maybe scare the stuffing out of little girls.
October 14 is the Be Bald and Free Day.
October 15 is National Grouch Day.
October 30 is Haunted Refrigerator Day. My fridge is always haunted. I hear talking cucumbers now!
National Georgia Pecan Month (No matter how you pronounce ‘pecan’ you must celebrate. Notice there isn’t a Georgia Peach month….)
National Pomegranate Month
National Roasting Month (I don’t know they mean food or giving a friend a roast.)
November 2 is Cookie Monster Day. I am very upset to find that there is no Grover Day!
November 4 is National Men Make Dinner Day. Yeah and hope springs eternal. It’s also Use Your Common Sense Day. No comment.
November 7 is National Tongue Twister Day. It is also Zero Tasking Day. So sit at your desk at work and do nothing….and get fired!
November 8 is Cook Something Bold and Pungent Day (and stink out your neighbors day).
November 18 is Married To A Scorpio Support Day. That seriously made me crack up.
November 19 is World Toilet Day. What do you do? Bow down to the porcelain goddess?
November 20 is Name Your PC Day.
Novemeber 26 is Flossing Day because you know you should only floss your teeth once a year.
National Tie Month
December 4 is National Dice Day
December 5 is Bathtub Party Day. How kinky! It is also International Ninja Day. I guess that can be kinky too!
December 7 is National Cotton Candy Day
December 9 is International Anti-Corruption Day
December 15 is Cat Herders Day
December 25 is No L Day.