It was early evening as Varuna opened her front door entered her house slammed the door behind her as she tossed her keys on the table just to her right, then made her way to the kitchen to grab herself the half pint of periwinkle double ripple ice cream and a large serving spoon, as she sat herself down on her favorite chair she mumbled. “Those incompetent idiots at work they don’t know how smart I am, they think that I have knowledge of nothing but I will show them!”
As she was channel surfing she came upon the Couch Potato Shopping Network just as the show New and Exciting Thing with host Edgar Mohawken was starting.
She was about to change the channel as Edgars voice broke the silence. “Have your friends, family, and co-works called you unknowledgeable or just outright dumb and senseless, then I have the answer for you the Cornucopia of Knowing It All, yes that is right the Cornucopia of Knowing It All, from the makers of such great world changing innovations, such as The Shoes of Shame, The Gloves of Gain, and everyone’s favorite The Hat of Honor, and not to be forgotten what started it all The Coat of Cognition. And it can all be yours for 3 simple payments of 99.99, but that is not all for one lucky customer that calls in and is transferred to me, will get my personal thanks and a ring-a-ding-ding of the Couch Potato Shopping Network silver bell. But first lets hear some testimonials from some of our happy customers.”
By this point Varuna was as still as one could be just staring at the TV spoon hanging from her mouth with a dribble of periwinkle double ripple ice cream running down her chin.
I was just so dumb could not get anything right until I got my very own Cornucopia of Knowing It All, and it was just so simple I did as it said just added a little water swirled it around once or twice and drank and now I know all the languages of the world and have the job of head translator at the United Nations and not to mention making mega bucks while doing so.
I decided to buy my Cornucopia of Knowing It All after I was laughed out of NASA and there rocket program and now I am making my own rockets and launching them form my own backyard and have gained all of the governments contracts and not to brag but making more money then one man will ever need in a life time.
So as fast as she could call she did and she was put through to Edgar Mohawken and he answered, “Edgar Mohawken who is this?” and with a loud bombastic voice the words came across the air waves. “Varuna Figlow I just love your Mohawk Mr. Mohawken and I want my very own Cornucopia Of Knowing It All.” ” Well that is great Varuna and please call me Edgar all my friends do.” “I’m your friend how nice Edgar.” “Yes that is right anybody that buys from me is my friend well how about are you buying?” He said as he look upon the Cornucopia there on display, and Varuna replied. “Yes, yes, yes!!!!!!” and with that Edgar looks up into the camera and with this sinister glow to his eyes and says. “Good we will set you up with your very own Cornucopia of Knowing It All.” And with that said he starts to laugh this almost evil laugh as he gave the all anticipated ring-a-ding-ding of the Couch Potato Shopping Network sliver bell.
Two days have passed and it finally arrived, Varuna was beside herself as she made to her bedroom and ripped open the box as she did this little piece of paper fell to the floor, but in her excitement she did not notice, she pulled out the instructions and read put 4oz. Of water in the Cornucopia of Knowing It All and swirl 1 or 2 times and ask the Cornucopia to give you the knowledge in what ever field you want. So she did, she asked for the knowledge of the world she wanted to know it all, she drank and then fell fast asleep.
The next morning she awoke and did not feel any different but as she went about her day she found that she knew what was going on as she drove to work she was able to time the traffic lights and did not get one red light, she looked at long lists of numbers on her budget and she had the total without even looking twice or using a calculator for that matter.
She thought to herself it is working it’s working she ran into her bosses office and quit, ran down the street telling everyone how stupid they are and that they have nothing over her, 2 weeks went by she went on every game show you could think of and won them all, but then it happened she woke up in the morning 2 weeks to the day she drank the elixir from the Cornucopia of Knowing It All and she could not move her head it felt as if it weighed 200lbs. She tried everything and to know avail then she thought to herself maybe if I slide my legs off and then my body I can prop my head up against my bed, and think of something to fix the dilemma so it was working she, was there with her head propped up against the bed, but the over whelming weight of her head was too much for the bed to hold and the bed flew out from under her hit the wall on the other side of the room and with a big crash her head hit the floor with such force it sounded like a bowling ball being dropped off the Empire State Building and then as she was stuck looking at the floor of her room she saw that little paper that fell to the floor when she opened the box and it read. “Warning what ever you do not ask for the Knowledge of everything with in two weeks you will have so much knowledge your head will be so heavy you will not be able to move it and a short wile there after it will explode with great force and as Varuna was about to open her mouth to speak her head went,