Previously published in Examiner
Question: This examiner was asked by a fellow Montrealer, “Which is more valuable validation or growth?”
Answer: They are both equally as valuable and are part and parcel of the same concept. Both these concepts are way too important to tease a part and say one is more important than the other. Without validation a person’s growth is stunted. Studies have shown that people who have validation and a great support system have more of a chance at growing to their full potential.
Validation and growth begin in childhood. In order for children to grow in spirit and intellect, they must have nurturing parents or caregivers. These people are responsible for more of child’s development than they ever dreamed possible. Children learn from their parents and caregivers and their basic identity is formed by what others think or say or behave towards them.
According to Dr. Sigmund Freud a child’s core personality is formed by the age of 5. Child psychologists pretty much still maintain this theory.
Children need to be validated to grow with healthy minds and good self-esteem in order to become successful adults. However, sometimes they do not have the love, support and validation they need.
When that happens they grow up with low self-esteem. They do not believe in themselves nor they do not love themselves. They think that they are worthless. People with low self-esteem are often afraid to take on the challenges of life. For example an adult might remain a factory worker, because he or she feels too stupid to go to university. This is something this person has picked up as a child or teenager because a parent, teacher, or school peers told him or her and after all these years the person still believes it.
Low self-esteem is an obstacle preventing personal growth. People who have low self-esteem often make choices based on the fact that they feel they are not good enough to do other things. Another example of a poor choice made because of low self esteem would be, people who settles for a mate they don’t love only because they feel that nobody else would want them.
Without validation the person does not grow to have a healthy frame of mind.
Fortunately, this can change; even people with low self-esteem can gain self-esteem through believing in themselves, getting validation from others, or from seeking therapy.