There are two things men commonly say about women that just don’t make sense. In fact, not only do they make no sense but they apply a whole lot more to men than to women.
Here’s the first. “I like older women – they know what they want.”
This doesn’t make any sense at all. What can men possibly mean when they say it? Whether they’re talking about sex or relationships or life in general, it doesn’t seem to mean much. The implication must be that young women don’t know what they want. How true is that? Speaking personally, most of the young women I knew when I was, say, in my teens and twenties knew pretty much what they wanted. They wanted different things I guess depending on their personalities and capabilities but I don’t remember endless conversation along the lines: “I’d go out this weekend if only I knew what I wanted to do.” “I’d look for a boyfriend if only I knew whether I wanted one or not.” “I can’t decide whether I want to become a doctor or a lap dancer.”
The same went for sex. Some of our circle experimented like crazy. Some got into exclusive relationships and stayed in them. Some went the serial monogamy route: the thrill of new sex followed by the calm of the relationship, the thrill of new sex and etc.
Some were set on a career, others on babies, others on both.
Seems to me we kind of knew, more or less, what we wanted in any given sphere.
A lot of men, on the other hand, never seem to know what they want! Take Jesse James. (He’s available.) He stood in front of some sort of marriage official at some point and said he wanted to have Sandra Bullock to have and to hold and cherish and whatnot till death did them part. He – apparently – wanted marriage, monogamy, family and husbandhood. But in reality he didn’t. What he really wanted was clandestine sex, and lots of it, with various mistresses including a squiggle-eyed tattoo-ed strumpet who would feed him to the press. Same with Tiger Woods. He thought at some point that he wanted Elin Nordegren when in fact he wanted every long-haired big-boobed woman he set eyes on.
I have a friend whose cell biology professor husband ran off a few years ago, telling her he wanted to have sex with strangers he’d hook up with on the internet. For 15 years he’d wanted to be married. Suddenly he wanted to be very single. (I know – male midlife crisis…) Two years later he pitched up back at her door, having instigated a divorce, saying he wanted to come back home and be married again.
In my book, that’s really not knowing what you want. And men seem to do an awful lot of that not-knowing…
The second thing a lot of men commonly say about women is this. “Women. I’ll never understand them.”
What?! May I refer those guys to the paragraphs above and the difficulties women have understanding men who say they want one thing when actively wanting the exact opposite?
And may I, equally, point out that even apart from men’s actions – not always entirely visible to the woman in their life… – men’s words can be highly misleading. Often it’s women left saying, after some particularly obscure pronouncement by a male member of the household: “What the hell did he mean by that?”
However, after some exhaustive research, I can decode a number of key phrases commonly used by men and commonly misinterpreted by women. Here are those phrases which at first glance seem to convey a clear meaning, with their real meaning alongside. This guide should make it easy for most women – finally – to understand most men!
“I’m thinking of joining a gym.” “I’m having an affair.”
“I’m just nipping out for some cigarettes.” “I’m having an affair.”
“Why don’t you go and see your mother this weekend?” “I’m having an affair.”
“You’re crazy. Of course I’m not having an affair.” “I’m having an affair.”
“Having an affair with who? I don’t even like her!” “I’m having an affair.”