It was recently reported that Senator Jon Kyle had a conversation with President Obama concerning immigration legislation. Supposedly, at least according to Senator Kyle, president Obama told him that if the Federal government secured the border, the republicans wouldn’t have any reason to support immigration reform. President Obama has denied making such a statement, and the senator from Arizona has stuck by his statement. Some right wing pundits are pondering whether President Obama is some sort of evil political wheeler and dealer, and left wing pundits believe that Jon Kyle misunderstood what the president said. The White House reiterated that border security is just part of overall immigration reform. Nonetheless, Jon Kyle advanced several other conspiracy theories he believes in, based upon conversations he overheard in the Capitol and while working under cover as a gardener the White House:
1. Supposedly President Obama is refusing to clean up the oil spill until the state of Louisiana gives him, and Michelle Obama, their own “personal island” somewhere near New Orleans for retirement after he leaves office.
2. Jon Kyle also believes that the vice president has gotten on the act as well, and that Joe Biden was behind General McChrystal’s firing because he wouldn’t build him a top secret subterranean AmTrak train for the vice president so that he could travel to Delaware without the press being aware of it.
3. Supposedly, the president also has refused to grant funding for NASA to go to Mars, unless they build a special high speed presidential space ship for deep space excursions to the Moon for him and his wife. Apparently he promised Michelle that he would take her to the moon if he was elected president, and she took the promise literally.
4. The president has frozen all dairy farm relief funds to the state of Illinois unless somebody from Chicago builds a deep dish pizza eatery next to the White House.
5. Hillary Clinton, before she was appointed to the Secretary of State position, told the president that she would come down on the president’s policies in the Senate “Hillary style” and that Bill would “make trouble for the president abroad” if she didn’t get the Secretary of State position.
6. Malia and Sasha Obama told their father that they would give the press information about Area 51, and the UFOs studied there, unless they got to use Air Force One every month for personal trips with their friends to Hawaii. So far the First Daughters have made 33 trips to the Aloha state in Air Force One with their friends.
7. Michelle Obama told Dick Cheney that if he didn’t stop criticizing the president so ferociously, that she would make sure that his family was hounded by the IRS until “the end of time”.
8. Bo the White House dog refused to pose for photo ops with the president on the south lawn of the White House, unless he was provided with bones and other dog treats on a more regular basis.
9. The president told republicans that he wouldn’t support efforts to grant Alaska independence from the United States because then Sarah Palin might be elected Queen of Alaska.
10. President Obama told Senator Jon Kyle that if he didn’t stop repeating conspiracy theories in the press concerning the White House, that he would give the grand canyon to Utah.
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