Today, Queen Elizabeth addressed the U.N. assembly. She arrived during one of the worst heat waves in the history of New York. The queen took all of this in stride, and even took a refreshing swim in the Hudson River while been surrounded by her body guards. Though some new Yorkers were mildly surprised by this, what was really shocking was what happened later in the day at the U.N.. What was supposed to be a rather conservative speech delivered by Britain’s top monarch, proved to be a lively lecture which contained a number of surprises. Here are the top ten:
1. Prince Charles is going to be kicked out of the British royal family. However, he will still retain his title as King of Ireland, and is expected to move to an Irish Castle to oversee his subjects.
2. The Queen has decided to exert her authority as the head of state of Canada, and has decided to rename the country Elizabethia.
3. As a way to generate more funds for the royal budget, Queen Elizabeth has decided to turn Buckingham palace into a small amusement park called “Royaland.” Royaland will feature several rides including a “Royal Teacup Party Ride”, the Scary Adventures of Commoners, and a climax movie called “A day and the life of the Queen”, which will play continuously 24 hours a day.
4. In order to expand her royal empire, she has instructed the British navy to “take over Alaska” from the United States.
5. She openly confirmed rumors that UFOs had landed at one of her Scottish castles. She claims that the first words out of their mouths were, “take me to your royalty.”
6. She laid out plans for building a statute as big as the statue of liberty, but featuring her likeness, which would be built next to Big Ben in London.
7. She asked that the United States’s marshal service, and the royal Canadian mounted police, work together to find Sarah Ferguson and bring her back to London in irons over comments she has made about the royal family over the years.
8. She widely criticized countries which rely upon newly introduced “democracy” such as United States and the recently formed Iraq government, and she believes that countries should be ruled by monarchs. She also urged for the creation of a “World Royalty Appreciation Day.”
9. Immediately following the Queen’s remarks, Prince Harry gave a short speech of his own in which he once again apologized for dressing up as a “Nazi” at a costume party. He then delivered remarks about his military service in Afghanistan and Iraq and his general love for all types of military weapons.
10. The Queen announced that one of her precious pet Corgis dogs was missing, and that she planned on posting “Lost Dog Posters” on every telephone pole in New York, if need be, to find the dog.
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