They are whisperings in South Carolina that the democratic party has a plant running for the Senate. Specifically, Alvin Greene who won the democratic primary to face off against a republican in the race to be one of South Carolina’s two United States senators. Unfortunately, for helpless democratic officials, Alvin Greene is somewhat of a mystery. Although unemployed, he was able to come up with a $10,000 required to file his candidacy. In addition, he is allegedly accused of showing pornographic material to a college student, and then suggesting that they return to her room. Despite this pre-election controversy, Alvin Greene vows to continue his candidacy for higher office.
Democratic officials suspect that someone, or some organization, helped bankroll Greene’s run for office in order to make it easier for the republican candidate to win. Adding to the surprise of Greene’s win is the fact that he beat out another well funded democratic candidate, and the fact that he did little if any campaigning. Here are ten theories explaining how relative unknown democratic candidate Alvin Greene won his party’s nomination:
1. The Russians are back and Alvin Greene is their man on this inside. Friends claim that they have seen pictures of Vladimir Putin inside his house.
2. He’s a patsy hired by the “vast right wing conspiracy” that Hillary Clinton has been talking about all these years.
3. People thought they were voting for “Alvin and the Chipmunks” instead of Mr. Greene.
4. Rumors abound that a stealth viral campaign to get Alvin Greene elected was undertaken by Steve Jobs, just to prove that Apple was capable of doing something this big.
5. He was hired by BP to make sure that legislation banning coastal drilling doesn’t see the light of day.
6. He’s really Kim Jong-Il in disguise and he used 100,000 North Korean sleeper agents in South Carolina to get elected in a plan which will allow him to be elected to the White House in about six years.
7. He’s from Saturn and hence has enormous mind control powers.
8. He’s Bill Clinton in disguise and this is his long rumored comeback to politics.
9. He’s the comedian Sacha Cohen, of Borat fame, who is making a new comedy mocking American politics.
10. It’s a new reality show called “Politics Biggest Loser” and this is the show’s first contestant.