BP recently announced that it would be selling off assets to help pay for the continuing oil spill cleanup costs in the Gulf of Mexico. The tragic accident which claimed the lives of 11 coastal oil rig workers continues to affect the region and may cost the local economy billions of dollars. Though BP’s cash reserves are dwindling, many are surprised that BP expects to raise $30 billion through sales of properties in the next year and a half. But exactly what are these properties? Ten rumored BP assets are listed below.
1. As the British oil company has actually been in existence for hundreds of years, under one name or another, it is believed that the company may own the fabled “Holy Grail” and that they may decide to auction this item to Bill Gates if their financial situation deteriorates further.
2. The British oil company supposedly owns hundreds of thousands of solar power companies in Europe and may sell some of these companies as BP leadership has always criticized them for being “too green.”
3. Former CEO Tony Hayward owns several dozen commercial cruise ships and he has graciously decided to donate a year worth of operating profit from one of the ships, “The Pasty Boy”, in order to help pay for clean up costs.
4. As BP is the fourth largest company in the world, and the “most evil corporation” according to Corporate Greed Monthly, it is assumed that company executive own at least a dozen jumbo nuclear submarines which would allow them to survive a nuclear war. Some of these submarines may be auctioned off to the U.S., Russian or British military at bare bones prices.
5. BP actually owns a majority stake in Sea World, which recently opened a new thrill ride called “Oil Rig Disaster” which promotes the idea that oil spills are caused by King Triton’s random attacks on oil rigs. Some BP executives have hinted that they may sell a portion of their stake in Sea World.
6. The BP master vault in London supposedly contains tons of pearls which were harvested as a byproduct of shallow water oil drilling and could perhaps be sold to jewelry makers.
7. BP supposedly secretly owns a number of environmental and animal rights activist organizations such as Green Peace and PETA, and may sell off these shares in the near future. Current Green Peace employees have suspected for years that BP owned a stake in their company as much of their stationary has a small BP logo on the lower left hand side.
8. It is rumored that while digging an oil well in Moscow in 2003, a BP foreman discovered remnants of the famous lost library of Ivan the Terrible. Supposedly, much of the recovered artifacts are being held in a temperature control room aboard Tony Hayward’s personal yacht.
9. Supposedly vice president Joe Biden, who has oddly congratulated BP at every mistake and fumble during the clean up project, is really an advanced robotic politician owned and created by BP. Should the company sell the vice president it is expected that at auction he could be worth as much as $42,000.
10. BP due to its familiarity with the Gulf of Mexico and New Orleans has over the years bought and renamed several famous restaurants such as “Oily Boily Rolls”, “The Hayward House”, and “The Grease Pit”. Due to declining business, and need for operating cash, these culinary gems may soon be sold.
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