It was recently reported that Apple’s new iPhone had a significant design flaw such that users who hold the cell phone in the left hand experience reception problems. Left handed users of the iPhone are quietly complaining that the device is discriminatory against millions of “lefties” in the United States. On Friday they demanded that Steve Jobs, and his company, work on a left handed iPhone so that they can use the device just like right handed people. Steve Jobs, who promised to fix the issue, has in the past referred to lefties as people who were “locked up in dungeons in the Middle Ages for good reason.” Some lefties have announced their plans to build a computer company called “Pear Computers Inc.” which would produce iPhone like products for lefties. Listed below are ten products which have been especially made for left handed people:
1. The left handed pencil which when invented in the renaissance made it possible for a number of left handed writers to express the difficulty of living in a right handed world.
2. The left handed car, which has a steering wheel built for left handed drivers who frequently bump their left elbow on the car door.
3. A lefties version of Monopoly which has specially shape game pieces so that lefties aren’t confused by the clockwise movement of pieces around the board.
4. A lefty gun was invented around the time of the American Revolution which allow for a colony of left handed people living near Roanoke Virginia to over throw their right handed masters.
5. Left handed paper also greatly simplified the lives of lefties in grade school who constantly were jabbing other students with their elbows.
6. Left handed driving directions and maps as lefties often confuse right with left for obvious reasons.
7. A left handed football allowed lefties in Ohio to form their own lefties football league (LFL) as lefties throw rather clumsily with a right handed football. *Historical note: As it turns out, NFL stands for “Non-lefties Football League”.
8. A left handed bowling ball was invented and it heralded the arrival of the great bowling champion of all time, “Ed Lefty Willard.”
9. Left handed books allowed lefties to read the printed word as easily as right handers. Before their invention, lefties often bought bootleg left handed books sold in dark alleys, which was illegal in itself until the Lefty Book Freedom Act of 1988.
10. A prototype version of a lefties computer keyboard will allow lefties to enter the computer age and be allowed to complain about the right handed world online.
For the top 10 White House conspiracy theories promulgated by Arizona Senator Jon Kyle, click here: