Newsweek magazine online recently ran an article about a worse case scenario regarding the BP oil spill. Under this nightmare scenario, leaks of oil underneath the floor of the ocean would lead to the eventual destabilization of the blowout preventer resting on the sea floor. This would cause the blowout preventer to collapse, and would presumably make it very difficult to stop the leak as it would indicate damage to the buried pipe. While critics dismiss this possibility as unlikely, keen observers have noticed that the well has recently begun to tilt.
While BP, undoubtedly, does not like being associated with the worse environmental disaster in the history of the United States, a number of other near worst case scenario disasters have almost occurred, and knowledge of them in the general public is severely limited to nonexistent. Listed below are the top ten possible worst case scenarios averted at the last second over the past decade:
1. After the inauguration of President Obama, vice president Joe Biden noticed a thick layer of a green gooey substance on the White House lawn and alerted the park service which quickly cleaned up what one scientist called a “greenish blob like monster capable of eating objects as big as cars.”
2. A man in Wisconsin reported the appearance of a large “Big Foot” type creature near White Pines Wisconsin. Police and government officials quickly cornered the creature and found out that it was really North Korean president Kim Jong-Il who was trying to sneak into the United States for unknown, but possibly nefarious motives. He was armed with two large jars full of radioactive slugs.
3. A platoon boat full of tourists, that was anchored near the Florida Keys, witnessed a gigantic dinosaur-type creature emerge from the ocean’s depth. Observers were immediately struck by the creature’s similar appearance to Godzilla, and the military was brought in to tranquilize the creature as it appeared to be headed towards Miami at a speed of about ten miles per hour over land.
4. A couple from Denmark were on vacation in New York City and were strolling through central park at night when they noticed what they described as a herd of gigantic alligators emerge from a canal and head into the park. One of the alligators, estimated to be twenty feet long, bite a tree in half and ate someone’s cat before being corralled and transported by military personnel to an unknown destination.
5. An American woman swimming in the English Channel sighted what she believed was a sea serpent, though many attributed her story to the bends. Days later an ocean liner was slightly damaged by a “gigantic snake” and authorities from Great Britain quietly interviewed the woman at her home in Buffalo New York and quickly returned the creature to an isolated lake in Scotland.
6. When Malia and Sasha Obama were recently on vacation in Californa with their parents, they noticed a group of what they described as “tiny green men” picking up sea shells on the beach. Their secret service detail cornered the creatures and allegedly transported them back to Area 51. White House press secretary Robert Gibbs, speaking on condition of anonymity, informed reporters that the “little green men” were actually alien convicts from Mars that were being held at Area 51 due to uncontrolled kleptomania which years ago had motivated them to attempt to steal the Statue of Liberty.
7. A farmer in Nebraska noticed a giant sinkhole on his property and immediately called the U.S. Geological Service. The U.S. Geological Service told the farmer that it would be at least a couple of weeks before they could come out to his property. However, after watching the sinkhole for a couple of days, he noticed giant ant like creatures emerging from the darkest depths of the hole. He assumed that they had escaped from some sort of lost world near the center of the earth. He immediately called the military which used two million galloons of bug spray to force the ants back into the hole which was quickly cemented over, though apparently a couple of ants had escaped in the night by hitchhiking.
8. A weatherman in Las Cruces New Mexico was studying Doppler images of the surrounding area when he noticed what appeared fleet of airplanes approaching the city at high speed. He called the White Sands military base which scrambled some air force fighter jets to intercept what turned out to be an invasion force sent from Mars. After a brief battle American forces were able to defeat the aliens which quickly entered orbit and then headed back to Mars. Due to the weatherman’s decision the enslavement of the human race was temporarily avoided.
9. A jogger in Albany New York noticed that a brownish substance was leaking out of gigantic metal cistern at the Aunt Sarah’s Maple Syrup Company, which has its headquarters and a large maple syrup processing plant in the city. Officials from the company quickly located the source of the leak and patched it up with cement made from butter. Had the leaking cistern ruptured it likely would have covered uptown Manhattan with up to six inches of syrup.
10. A tourist visiting one of the great pyramids in Cairo noticed a mummy coffin which appeared to be moving. He quickly called on armed security guards as he thought someone might be trying to steal the mummy. It soon became apparent that a mummy was in the process of being reanimated. Authorities soon realized that an ancient curse called for a mummy to awaken from the dead if the Gulf of Mexico should ever become filled with the “oil of the pharaoh”. The ancient curse stipulated that the pharaoh would rise from the dead and hunt down the culprits of the oil spill and drag them into the underworld where they would be cursed for all eternity. Once authorities realized this they allowed the mummy to continue on its quest. The quick thinking actions of the tourist prevented any harm from occurring to the mummy.
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