I recently took my cat, Dilan, to the vet’s office. Due to her violent temper the veterinarian has to put on something similar to a bomb squad suit when examining her. While the veterinarian was suiting up, I noticed that a number of classes are offered for cats at my vet’s office. Apparently there is a classroom stuffed somewhere near the examination rooms. While it makes sense to offer some education for cats, who are naturally curious, since cats are much more devious than dogs I wondered if this was really a good idea. Since I’m not a veterinarian I decided not to bring up the issue. However, listed below are ten classes currently being offered to cats:
1. Picking locks, a how-to course for cats. Well, I guess cats would be a lot more independent if they could open doors, but is this really a good idea? Your cat might decide to spend the night at a friend’s house and how would you know?
2. A history of cat food. This one makes sense, it allows cats to understand where cat food comes from, though don’t be surprised if your cat demands a higher quality brand after watching this one, mine did.
3. How to grow a catnip garden. My cat watched this video and setup a catnip garden and began selling it to other cats. I didn’t like it because it seemed too much like kitty drug dealing, and because she was acting like a little gangster cat. So I had to get rid of the catnip garden.
4. How to Avoid Being Declawed. This is sort of a 12 step program which helps cats acknowledge and fix their scratching habits before the unthinkable happens.
5. How to Survive a Coyote Attack. A timely topic given that coyotes have been spotted in a number of major cities and are consistently make the top ten list of cat killers.
6. Bird Stalking 101. Meant mostly as an introductory course for house cats who have no hunting skills and occasionally get the urge to kill a bird. This course will prepare them when they do get the opportunity.
7. Advanced Bird Killing Course 407. This course is for the already above average skill bird killing cat. It helps cats who want to really become professional hunters. Lectures include those on the use of night vision goggles, selecting a crouching space, and how to get your claws sharp. My cat took this course and the backyard is littered with dead birds, so be prepared for some collateral damage.
8. Life after being neutered: a course for the cat prematurely going through menopause. This helps neutered male cats learn to love themselves again and to find love.
9. Baby kitten care. Topics include how frequently you should lick your kittens and reasons why not to eat your young ones. Good course for a first time mother cat.
10. The alley cat’s guide to sexually transmitted feline diseases. A must have if your cat lives in a neighborhood with a lot of other cats.
For the top ten little known disasters which almost became a worst case scenario, click here: