South Carolina’s democratic Senate candidate, Alan Greene, who has been accused of being a “republican plant” has decided that a good way for South Carolina to pull itself out of the current economic malaise will be to make action figures of himself and sell them. Most political pundits believe that Mr. Greene has no chance of winning the senate seat this fall, due to the fact that he was elected without campaigning and without anybody knowing that he is facing federal obscenity charges. Nonetheless, his idea has sparked a lot of interest in the creation of action figures based upon politicians and celebrities. The top ten celebrity action figures that will be released this fall are listed below.
1. The “Hillary Rodham Clinton Action Figure” will give short speeches when a button on her back is pushed. She will repeat phrases such as “Help me fight the Right Wing Conspiracy!” and “Hillary for President in 2016!”.
2. Perhaps not to be outdone by his liberal foes, Rush Limbaugh will be coming out with an action figure of his own. The obese doll will deliver lengthy diatribes on why left wing eco-terrorists are responsible for that BP oil spill. He will also mutter at random, “I hope you fail President Obama!”
3. Dick Cheney is also lending his voice for his own action figure, it will come with a hunting rifle and mutter phrases like “Get down I’m going to shoot!” and “We don’t need to worry about the Constitution.”
4. While George W Bush has declined to produce his own action figure, this hasn’t stopped Mattel and other companies from coming out with their own George W Bush dolls. The Mattel doll will mutter strange and grammatically incorrect phrases which the ex-president said when in office, such as “Don’t missunderestimate me!”
5. A Lindsay Lohan doll will hit store shelves this fall, and will come with accessories including alcohol bottles, a SCRAM alcohol monitoring ankle bracelet and a cell phone. In addition, teenagers above the age of 17 will be able to buy the Lindsay doll with obscenities written on her fingernails.
6. A special “Sylvester Stallone Rocky Doll” will be produced and will ask people if they want to “see another Rocky or Rambo movie?” when the string in back is pulled. Answers will be wirelessly transmitted to the famous actor so he can decide on which series of movies he wants to continue to force down the throats of Americans.
7. Though long considered North Korea’s main rival, South Korea is planning on producing a “Kim Jong-Il action doll” which will utter famous, and disturbing, quotes that the North Korean dictator has made over the past couple years. When moved the doll will yell “I am going to turn Seoul into a sea of fire!” and “The United States owes me $65 trillion in damages!”
8. A generic “BP executive doll”, believe to be based upon real life BP CEO Tony Hayward, will discount the trouble with the oil spill by saying “I want my life back more than anyone!”, “there is no underwater oil plume”, and “we think only 5,000 barrels a day are leaking, but the real number doesn’t matter to us!”
9. A Woody doll from the Pixar film Toys will ask kids to get their parents to, “buy the Toy Story 3 DVD” and “buy a Toy Story toy from Wal-Mart” for them.
10. A special “eco-friendly” Al Gore doll will ask kids if, “they are doing all they can to help the environment”, and explain the recent divorce between him and Tipper as due to her, “leaving too many lights on at home.”
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