The G-20 conference kicked off this weekend in Toronto Canada, President Obama made it a point to meet with several other world leaders to discuss the current economic climate. Normally sedate Canadians watched as the royal mounted police dealt with the large crowds of protesters. Downtown businesses in Toronto told employees to not even try to get to work. The reason the meeting was held in Canada was obscure, though the president of India did let it slip that several major issues related to Canadians will be discussed and a consensus by the world government will be decided upon. The top 10 issues discussed were:
1. What to do regarding Alaska: the Canadians want it back, but without Sarah Palin attached. The former governor, meanwhile, has advocated turning the state into its own country so that it can declare war on Canada.
2. Canada wants to change its name to “Upper United States” and have Americans change the name of their country to “Lower United States.” President Obama has declined to do so up to this point.
3. The American Bacon Council wants Canadians to change the name of “Canadian Bacon” to just “thin sliced ham.” The Canadians have so far refused to do this.
4. Animal rights activists want the Canadian mounted police to stop using horses to arrest criminals as they believe the stress of the job is harmful to the horses psychiatric will being.
5. Canadians want to make their “Canadian Cheese Soup” the official food of the North American continent. Americans meanwhile want to make McDonald’s the official fast food restaurant of the continent.
6. Canadians want all Americans to receive education and the public schools regarding how their national anthem is sung as apparently no American knows the words to “Oh Maple Leaf” beyond the title.
7. Canadians want to seal their border with the United States because they suddenly realized that a lot of people in the Tea Party are “loopy.”
8. Americans want Canadians to explain how they won so many medals in the Winter Olympics though their country’s population is relatively small.
9. Canadians want to be able to send four senators to Washington D.C. because decisions made by President Obama and the Congress affect them as much as any state. Both major political parties in Washington have refused this request for years.
10. President Obama wants all future speeches from Canadians to be translated for him, and other American politicians, so that all of the “Ehs” are removed.
For the top ten reasons why soccer never caught on in the United States, click here: