In every relationship a little conflict must fall. Conflict is natural, but constant fighting is a sign of drastic communication problems.
Here are a few things you should never do if you want to limit your time spent fighting with your better half.
Don’t Rely Entirely on Texting:
Texting as well as emailing can cause tons of fights because inevitably someone will misconstrue something said in either of these formats. I mean, you simply can’t include an emoticon for every statement made via email or text in order to ensure accurate interpretation.
I can’t count the number of times an untimely text reply or unwittingly aloof message has gotten me into a fight with my other half. These common blunders are not intentional, but let’s face it; it’s hard to tell just what is intended at all times when conversing via these time-saving methods. It’s no one’s fault, it’s just the nature of the times we live in, but fights will occur if time is not put into face-to-face and phone conversations.
Don’t Force it if He/She is a Morning Person and You’re Not
I know this probably sounds like a trivial issue that couldn’t probably cause too many fights, but trust me, it can. Thankfully, my better half is an incredibly kind and understanding person and we’ve both learned to work around it, but there have been a few dicey past fights because of it.
This issue can tend to rear its ugly head when out of town on a trip. If you are not an early riser and your partner is, you’ll need to develop good methods for working around this. In my relationship, I tend to be the late riser while my better half is usually up and ready to go at 7 am, no matter what. After several attempts for each of us to conform to the other’s routine, we finally realized that we each need to go about our day as we normally would and connect with each other when we can.
If that is your situation as well, you may want to try encouraging your early riser partner to get up and get breakfast and a shower while you’re taking in your last hour or two of sleep; that way you each get what you need and no one’s in a bad mood all day.
If You’re Angry, Don’t Hold it In
Let your partner know what’s upsetting you. The key to dealing with arguments is not to avoid them, but to talk through them in a productive way that doesn’t lead to a full-blown fight. Offer your point of view in a non-confrontational and calm manner; just matter-of-factly let him/her know what the problem is and be open to his/her suggestions, solutions, and insights on how to resolve it.
This is a lesson that I’m still learning. I can tend to hold things in until they get too big to be manageable, and then of course, you’re at fight stage. I often find myself drifting into that right or wrong territory, forgetting that my other half isn’t thinking about who’s right, but rather, just understanding me.
This can be a real hard one to grasp when the ultimate goal is to avoid fighting, but it’s important to note that disagreements and conflict resolution aren’t the same as fighting.
Don’t Insist on Being Right:
If you don’t want to spend your entire relationship fighting and making-up, you might as well decide now that it’s more important to understand your better half rather than be right. Besides, there are always two sides to every story, right? Chances are, once you calm down and look at things objectively, you’ll see that it all came down to a miscommunication, hurt feelings, or both parties at some degree of fault.
The classic Tina Turner song sums it up best, “I don’t care who’s wrong or right, I don’t really want to fight no more.”
Perhaps you and your partner have a different set of relationship conflicts; whatever they may be, clear/open communication and understanding is the foundation of a strong relationship and will see you through many an argument.
I hope that the tips above have been helpful to you and I wish you and your other half all the happiness in the world.