Diaper Changing Toddlers: Children love water. Give a toddler a cup of water and it’s an adventure. This is no ordinary refreshment in the eyes of a two year old. We are talking about a cup of exploration. First is the gaze. Once the contents have been firmly established as an item that only dad supplies (moms provide sippy cups with firmly screwed on covers) the hand goes in. A vigorous stir and it is time for the inevitable chest pour. An over compensated sip attempt dumps the contents down the chest. After a three second look of surprise at dad (like we did not know that was coming) the toddler moves to the slap splash on the floor. Children love water. And the smart dad can use this advantage to counteract the unnatural act of diaper changing. All it takes is some relatively warm weather, a back yard and a garden hose. Thanks to technology, diapers are so absorbent that the weight of them can do most of the work for you. Strip the youngster down to just the diaper (this is the normal dress code when mom is out anyway), turn the hose on low pressure and hand it to the toddler. After a few moments of laughter and excitement the diaper will fall off on its own. It is then easily scooped up with a shovel for a no mess disposal.
Getting a toddler to eat can be a challenge. Mom uses all kinds of tricks that dad is simply incapable of. Foremost being the mouth mimic. There has been no scientific reasoning behind the mouth movements moms make when undergoing the feeding process. It cannot be duplicated by dads. Therefore dads must resort to a simpler method. This technique is best done directly after the diaper change before a new diaper is replaced. This calls for a sheet, a large plastic bowl of water, a plastic plate and a large assortment of treats. Spread the sheet out on the kitchen floor (tile floor is the key) and place the child in the center. Put the food on the plate and stand back. Again we have turned a chore into play time. Undoubtedly an ample amount of food will make it to the desired destination with little parental influence.
The Wash Up:
When the child has had enough to eat they will attempt to crawl to the edge of the sheet. This is dads cue to remove the plate and replace it with the large bowl of water. The natural affinity toward water will create a new playtime experience called the wash up. Again there is little effort required for this task. If the bowl is large enough the splashing will do most of the cleaning for you. The corners of the sheet can be dipped in the water in order to clean the hard to reach places. Once the child is clean the sheet is then swirled around the floor to absorb any left over water. What to do with the sheet is not as complex a problem as one might think. If put directly in the drier it will be easy to hide the sheet on the bottom of the hamper before mom gets home without the worry of mildew, or discovery.
Again technology has dad in mind with resealable tabs on diapers. Take the diaper and shake it vigorously to remove any folds. Apply the tabs so that it creates a pair of short pants. With the toddler facing you firmly grasp their head with your thighs. This will immobilize the child and keep your hands free to thread each of the kicking legs through the holes. Once the diaper is on you can then adjust the tabs to a snug fit.
When mom rushes through the door with anticipation of disaster you should be sitting on the couch with the child watching cartoons. The first question she asks will inevitably be “So how did it go?” Your reply should be well thought out and prepared. It is very important to avoid eye contact. Keep your focus on the television and say “It was great. I had a little extra time so I gave him a bath and mopped the kitchen floor.”