This is a direct plea to Bravo: dump Cuckoo Kelly. Pronto. “Ridiculous” doesn’t even begin to describe this whack job. As Bethenny said, she is nothing but a crazy toad. Kind of makes you long for the days when all we had to contend with were Ramona’s big eyes and Simon in a thong.
While Cuckoo Kelly drove me, well, cuckoo, Bethenny was in rare form tonight and that was a good thing. The Skinnygirl flung hysterical zingers at Cuckoo Kelly left and right and reminded us why we fell in love with her.
On with the show. It’s bachelorette time as Ramona gathers her “best friends,” which apparently extends to Cuckoo Kelly, but not her gal pal, Joanie, who I’d take as a Housewife any day. Ramona rented a yacht for Cuckoo Kelly, Sonja and Alex to indulge in for five whole days. Yikes. Ramona was glad Jill and new BFF Countess LuAnn didn’t tag along because they’re “buzz kills.” Bethenny arrives from L.A. fresh off her father’s funeral and still fragile. Although she and Cuckoo Kelly had called a shaky truce, Cuckoo Kelly started to rub Bethenny the wrong way from the start, as she declared she doesn’t eat processed food, yet gummy bears are acceptable (as Bethenny pointed out, those don’t grow on the vine.) It all went downhill from there.
Lunch on the yacht started pleasantly enough. Ramona wondered where her IV drip of pinot grigiot was and Bethenny offered to stomp on the grapes in the refrigerator. Cuckoo Kelly took this literally and demanded Bethenny not tread on the grapes she’s eating. Oh, it gets better. Ramona told Bethenny about last week’s debacle at Jennifer’s house regarding Jill’s reaction to the passing of Bethenny’s father. Cuckoo Kelly rolls her eyes and tries to give Jill’s side, though, per her usual, you can’t understand what the hell she’s talking about. The bride-to-be tries to set her straight and Bethenny looks glum as Ramona and Cuckoo Kelly argue about Jill. Bethenny finally tells her she has no idea what the real issues are so she should keep her mouth shut. Cuckoo Kelly grows more agitated as everyone tries to tell her she’s talking out of turn and the cuckoo-isms start flying. Did you know it’s a bad thing to lemonade out of lemons? With nowhere to go but away, Cuckoo Kelly flies smack into the sliding glass door she couldn’t figure out how to open. As Bethenny said, cuckoo-doodle-doo. Priceless.
Bethenny and Alex have some quiet time together before dinner and Alex wants to know how the Skinnygirl is holding up. Bethenny shares her feelings about her father and then they rehash Cuckoo Kelly’s earlier outburst. The Housewives dissolve into tears from laughing so hard over Cuckoo Kelly’s tantrum. Bethenny calls Cuckoo Kelly a nitwit and says “there’s no effen’ way that broad went to college.” Agreed, Bethenny. Agreed.
After dinner, Ramona and Alex go yacht-hopping next door to the boat owned by the head of Hooters. Meanwhile, Cuckoo Kelly brings out shots and Bethenny opens up more about her difficult relationship with her father. Cuckoo Kelly all but tells Bethenny to get over it, which ignites the heretofore neutral Sonja. Sonja doesn’t get Cuckoo Kelly and when the conversation turns to sex, Cuckoo Kelly declares she doesn’t believe in one-night stands. Sonja assess her lack of booty is the reason Cuckoo Kelly is so uptight. It’s Sonja’s turn to break down as she talks about the demise of her marriage. Between Bethenny and Sonja, Cuckoo Kelly can’t take it and derides them both for sharing their feelings. Sonja calls out Cuckoo Kelly for not having emotions and having a problem with others expressing theirs. Cuckoo Kelly states that feelings are so 1979 and then proceeds to launch into an all-out assault on Bethenny. She “attacked” the Skinnygirl over everything from last season’s drama to whether or not Bethenny is a chef (FYI, Bethenny did attend culinary school ). Bethenny calls Cuckoo Kelly a moron and tells her to let it go. She can’t of course and starts to hit below the belt – literally; she calls Bethenny a malicious ho-bag and says she doesn’t want to be around her. Bethenny’s done and says “adios lunatic” and escapes to the Hooters yacht for some time with “sane people.”
Meanwhile, Ramona is over on the Hooters boat, completely blasted after “46 pinot grigiots” when Bethenny comes by to fill her and Alex in on Cuckoo Kelly’s latest rants. A smashed Ramona vows to shut Cuckoo Kelly down. Ticked that she got left holding the Cuckoo Kelly bag, Sonja crashes the party in search of Hooters girls. Later, Alex, Ramona and Bethenny hit the dance floor at the Fat Turtle, while Sonja has to console herself back on the yacht by asking Cuckoo Kelly if the bedrooms smell like cat pee.
While Jill was nowhere to be found this week, we were treated to Countess LuAnn in the studio and her faux make-out session with Coerte. She didn’t sound bad, though she didn’t hit the high notes and the producer clearly auto-tuned the hell out of it. She’s better than Kim, anyway. Later, Coerte took her to a Chinese restaurant where they burn the drinks on the bar. Countess LuAnn couldn’t decide if she wanted to rip his clothes off or if he disgusted her. Maybe a little of both.
Next week, Cuckoo Kelly goes way off the rails, Jill is back and Alex plays swimsuit model.