The Real Housewives of New York City went completely off the rails and overboard tonight as most of the ladies spent time on a yacht in St. John in the Virgin Islands to celebrate Ramona’s upcoming vow renewing ceremony. In addition to the crazy antics, and I mean that literally, LuAnn attempts to break a glass while “singing” and I use that term very loosely. All I can say is that ears will be saved all over the world by auto-tune! There was also a disturbing scene where LuAnn is on a date at Chinese restaurant with Courte. I felt like I should have a bar of soap nearby after watching that. Talk about something to make your skin crawl!
This episode opened with Ramona picking Sonja up to head out for the renewal getaway she planned for herself and the ladies. An enormous SUV carried the women through the streets of New York as Sonja explained that she is going on the trip to show support for Ramona-and to soak up some luxury. The conversation quickly gravitated to the reasons why Jill Zarin would not be going on this trip. Ramona theorized that Jill doesn’t participate in activities that aren’t centered around her. Ramona added that of course LuAnn wouldn’t be attending without Jill and the combination is really a buzz kill.
The Real Housewives of New York City wouldn’t be complete without a shot of pretentiousness with a side of ridiculousness. Tonight this came in the form of LuAnn hitting the recording studio to “sing” “Elegance is Learned”, her new single. Go download it at iTunes if you couldn’t get enough. Unfortunately, the version at iTunes will be auto-tuned, causing it to lack that special pitchy realism viewers might expect. Not only is it true that money can’t buy you class, as LuAnn sings, apparently it can’t buy you voice lessons either! In all fairness, some of us know how voice lessons played out with Kim Zolciac during the “Tardy for the Party” debacle on The Real Housewives of Atlanta. LuAnn paints a picture of how she has loved to sing since she was young girl singing in front of a mirror with a hairbrush. I never realized I could pity a hairbrush.
Once LuAnn had finished yodeling, The Real Housewives of New York City landed in St. John’s for Ramona’s renewal getaway. This trip included Bethenny, Ramona, Sonja, Kelly, and Alex with a heaping helping of drama. The ride to the marina foreshadowed the coming tension between Bethenny and Kelly. As the ladies rode to the yacht together, Kelly looked down her nose at foods containing preservatives and high fructose corn syrup and then proceeded to mention that she loves gummy bears. Kelly can be a study of contradiction at times now can’t she?
The ladies arrived at the luxury yacht “Olga” they would be staying on and everything seemed to be getting off to a lovely start. Things aren’t always what they seem. At lunch Ramona was sharing what transpired between Jill and her following the news that Bethenny’s father passed away and Kelly started to get testy. As the conversation deteriorated, Kelly whined, “you guys are making lemons to lemonade!” Since Kelly wanted to convey that they were taking a situation and making it worse, Bethenny couldn’t let that slide. The conversation continued its downward spiral and Kelly decided to make a grand exit that failed miserably. After her kook-a-doodle-doo moment, Kelly couldn’t open the door to get back inside the boat and her grand exit deflated as she stood trying to will the doors open with her dazzling mental capabilities
After her time-out, Kelly reappeared and apologized. Of course it all resurfaced later with Kelly and Bethenny again and gained quite a bit of momentum. Kelly totally lost her mind and couldn’t figure out how to best insult Bethenny. Kelly told Bethenny that no one cares about her and then shrieked that she’s a cook and not a chef. Kelly dissolved into some attack of paranoia about Bethenny planting stuff in the press about her. Kelly had also criticized Bethenny for having feelings surrounding her father’s recent death. Come again? Kelly kept trying to diminish Bethenny’s feelings by saying that other people have had the same experience. I don’t know what Kelly was trying to accomplish, but her behavior made her look like a neurotic empty shell. Eventually Bethenny left to go find Ramona and Alex who happened to be on the Hooters yacht next door. Bethenny arrived to inform Ramona and Alex about what had just happened and Ramona started slurring about how she was going to tell Kelly to shut up or get out. It’s unclear just how much booze Ramona had managed to soak up with her tiny frame, but it’s safe to say it was a shade more than she’s able to manage gracefully. The drunken laser dancing was a nice touch.
As for the disgusto dinner date between LuAnn and Courte, I won’t say much other than they seem like a match made in heaven. If I go into details, I’ll feel like I need to disinfect my keyboard.
The sudden attack of the crazies on Kelly’s part spills over into next week and apparently it gets much worse if the previews are an accurate portrayal of what transpired. It appears that Kelly totally loses it and everyone really believes she has lost her mind. Stay tuned for the crescendo next week.