For the second week in a row, “The Real Housewives of New Jersey” threatened to put me to sleep. When you have a show that ends its first season with a table flip, your expectations for Season Two are sky high. So far, the Jersey girls just aren’t bringing the heat and actually make me wonder what those “Kell on Earth” people are up to. And I don’t dig that show at all.
Desperate Danielle meets with her realtor to go over the improvements she’ll need to make on her house in order to sell it as part of her divorce settlement. Desperate Danielle points out that her bathroom is the best in town, especially because it’s equipped with a bidet, which is “super, super important.” Later, Desperate Danielle has a mini breakdown in front of her horrified realtor about how she’s unable to move on with her life. The realtor looked like she wanted to crawl into the bidet.
Caroline, Jacqueline and Teresa get together for a late lunch and after Teresa breaks down her sex life (Joe can’t get enough, apparently), talk turns to Desperate Danielle. Jacqueline has been in touch with Desperate Danielle and says they will be “peaceful acquaintances.” Caroline is baffled by Jacqueline’s continued association with Desperate Danielle, telling her “you hang around garbage, you start to stink.” Caroline claims the reason Desperate Danielle has zeroed in on Jacqueline because she’s a weak link. Jacqueline’s discomfort grows especially when Caroline calls Desperate Danielle’s kids “socially awkward,” and Teresa says it’s because they’ve been exposed to too much and recites Desperate Danielle’s rap sheet.
On the home front, there was a lot of domestic drama with “The Real Housewives of New Jersey,” and all of it boring. Caroline’s son, Albie, remains perturbed that his best friend is now dating his sister, Lauren (Albie, get over it) and Jacqueline remains locked in a battle with her daughter, Ashley over her lifestyle choices, namely sneaking into clubs and drinking. I did love it when Ashley dragged bags of laundry into the kitchen from her apartment expecting her mom to do with while she hit the bars. Jacqueline all but told her to take her laundry and shove it. Later, Dina advises her sister-in-law to open up a can of whoop ass on Ashley. Think about it, Jacqueline.
The offspring of “The Real Housewives of New Jersey” prepared to make their Fashion Week debuts. First, Desperate Danielle’s daughter, Christine was approached by the IMG agency to model and is given the opportunity to do a photo shoot with Cuckoo Kelly’s ex-husband, world-famous photographer, Gilles Bensimon. Desperate Danielle about pees all over herself from excitement and vows to be at every single event in Christine’s modeling career. Christine looks none too enthused, especially when Desperate Danielle jumps into one of photos at Gilles Bensimon’s request. Later, Christine makes the cover of a major industry trade and Desperate Danielle wants to throw a celebratory luncheon in her daughter’s honor – only she’s not invited because it’s all about Desperate Danielle. To add insult to injury, Desperate Danielle consulted Christine on the guest list. Seriously?
Meanwhile, Teresa’s daughter, Gia is invited to audition for a spot in one of the shows at Fashion Week. Desperate Danielle doesn’t think four-year old Gia has what it takes to be a supermodel. I’m sure Christie Brinkley and Heidi Klum had “supermodel” written all over them when they were tots, because you know, it’s so apparent at that age. Gia nails her audition and screams her little lungs out when she gets the news. Dad Joe is less than ecstatic and would rather focus on chopping his garlic than hear the details from Teresa. After all, Fashion Week is where you show “clothes lines.”
Desperate Danielle’s celebratory lunch for her daughter, I mean Desperate Danielle, gets going and even though Dina and Jacqueline declined to attend, she still had two chairs set up for them (Kim D., who last week badmouthed Desperate Danielle, does show up). Then, in front of her guests, she makes a point of calling out the sisters-in-law for not attending and not supporting her and not being happy for her. There is a concept known as making your guests feel comfortable and everyone at that table looks like they need a bidet to crawl into. I’m just saying. Desperate Danielle takes aim at another Kim at the table for being friends with Caroline. It’s like Jill Zarin; either you’re with her, or you’re against her.
Next week, Fashion Week arrives, Jacqueline can’t dodge Desperate Danielle and Dina tries an exorcism.