Say, here’s a wacky idea for a drinking game; every time someone mentions Desperate Danielle’s name, on “The Real Housewives of New Jersey,” take a drink. Hey, it works on “The Real Housewives of New York City” whenever somebody says “attacked.” You’d be amazed how at fast you can get a serious buzz going.
We pick up where we left off last week with Dina trying to have a sit down with Desperate Danielle. Why Dina thought she could carry on a rational conversation with Desperate Danielle defies logic, but hey, give the girl props for trying. Dina attempts several times to explain to Desperate Danielle that she gave her a chance, she tried to support her and even went against the other Housewives in order to maintain a civil relationship with her. In Dina’s eyes, Desperate Danielle squandered the gift and therefore, Dina is done. Like a jilted lover, Desperate Danielle wouldn’t go quietly and yells that she’s “not disposable.” The whole encounter escalates as Dina continues to try and reason with Desperate Danielle, who dredges up past sins and slights she believes have been heaped upon her courtesy of the Manzo family. Dina throws her hands up, says peace out and takes off. Desperate Danielle summons her Merry Band of Thugs to join her at the table so she can fill them in on what went down. The cherry on the top of that sundae? Desperate Danielle’s assertion that she’s “not a confrontational person.”
The rest of the gang, sans Dina, pack up the kiddies for an outing to a farm. Oh-so-sweet Jacqueline tells her son, CJ, they’re going to visit Danielles, which means pigs. CJ busts his mom on her mean girl behavior and Jacqueline apologizes. Later, Dina fills Caroline and Jacqueline in on the Desperate Danielle meeting. The normally tranquil, green tea-swilling Dina wants a shot of vodka instead as she relives her breakup with Danielle. Caroline refrains from saying “I told you so,” when Dina admits Caroline was right, Desperate Danielle is a loon. Across town, Desperate Danielle is giving her version of events to her current crop of girlfriends, which includes the omnipresent Kim G. The swine love is contagious as Desperate Danielle calls Dina a disgusting pig and proceeds to read a follow-up email Dina sent in an attempt to stop negotiations with Desperate Danielle. Kim G. looks uncomfortable, but more on that one in a minute.
Kim G. as it turns out, is Jacqueline’s neighbor and I think she’s all kinds of shifty. She pops over for a visit and wants to immediately engage in a gossip session about Desperate Danielle. Caroline, that sly fox, is suspicious of Kim G’s motives for sidling up to Jacqueline. Jacqueline is able to fill in some blanks for Kim G. regarding the bust-up between Dina and Desperate Danielle. Kim G. is surprised by what she hears, then brings up the drama surrounding Ashley and Desperate Danielle. Kim G. claims she advised Desperate Danielle to drop it, but as the convenient flashback shows us, she actually told Desperate Danielle to call the police and file a restraining order. And let us not forget her role in firing up Desperate Danielle and her Band of Merry Thugs at the Brownstone a few weeks back. Shifty gal. Shifty, shifty gal.
Jacqueline’s husband, Chris, gathers the rest of the guys, including Ashley’s boyfriend Derek, and Desperate Danielle’s ex, Steve for a poker game. Chris and the guys want to subject poor Derek to some good-natured hazing. Before the fun and games can commence, Jacqueline pulls Steve aside to let him know she thinks it’s disgusting that he tried to release sex tapes he made with Desperate Danielle. Well, you have to know that when Desperate Danielle is involved, there’s more to the story. As Steve tells it, Desperate Danielle filmed her own solo sex tapes and sent them to Steve. Through some convoluted turn of events, the whole mess made it to court and Desperate Danielle voluntarily dropped her suit against Steve. Drama with Ashley and Jacqueline (namely mom throwing her sassafras daughter out of the house) prevented Derek from getting it too bad from the men. I have to say, this was one classy poker game. Is wine now the preferred drink over beer for poker? And is it really necessary to spend over $500 for food for what, six guys?
Meanwhile, Desperate Danielle boo-hoos to her new girlfriends about how she lost her body confidence because Steve tried to release their sex tapes. In order to recapture her “sexy,” former exotic dancer, Desperate Danielle revisits her roots by dragging her new girlfriends and her Merry Band of Thugs to a local strip joint to see if she’s still got it. Kim G. can’t climb the pole and as she straddled the pole, Desperate Danielle acts like she’s been reborn. And cue the shower of money that flooded the stage from the Merry Band of Horny Thugs.
No big surprise, Dina decides the leave “The Real Housewives of New Jersey” behind, deciding she prefers the company of her creepy, smelly cats to having to interact with Desperate Danielle. Something tells me their teeing up Kim G. as a replacement Housewife.
Next week, Jacqueline’s back runs into Kim G.’s knife, Teresa throws a housewarming party and Desperate Danielle fixes her bubbies.