And so it begins… the start of another football season. On Saturday, the Houston Texans opened up the preseason by taking on the Arizona Cardinals at the University of Phoenix Stadium. My boyfriends are back and they started the game off looking strong. Our first string players are not only full of yummy, beefy goodness, but they’re also pretty darn talented! They played like a real team instead of the hodgepodge we’ve been accustomed to over the last few seasons. Even Kris Brown stepped up to the plate after ending last season on a sour note. Although I would have loved to see the new kicker, Neil Rackers, flex his thigh muscles a little, he never got the chance because when the first string action was over, so was the Texans’ chance at winning the game.
Prior to the game, I had been excited to see our new kick returner, Trindon Holliday, move his little short legs between and around of all those massive defenders. I am not usually impressed by men shorter than I am, but what can I say? I’m a sucker for the underdog. But, Holliday really let the fans down. He couldn’t bust a grape on the field. I don’t keep up with statistics like my husband does, but I would bet my life that he didn’t net 5 positive yards in the last two quarters.
While we’re on the topic of NOT running, Steve Slaton came in as running back at end of the first quarter and showed no promise of newfound greatness. Then, halfway through the second quarter, he teased the fans by moving the ball towards the end zone just before fumbling it. Mr. Butterfingers.
Back-up quarterback Dan Orlovsky did not do much better. He pranced around like a nervous Nellie and went three and out in his first series against the Cardinals’ second string defense. One thing the Texans do not need (besides another crappy running back) is a David Carr clone.
Also, on a totally unrelated note, let me just say that I was thrilled to see that Coach Gary Kubiak was sporting a fresh, new haircut. Hopefully, he finally listened to his wife ‘” because I’d hate to think that she supported that horrible hairdo all these years. His prior poofy mess was easily dented by the head gear Kubiak wears throughout each game, so I thought that maybe the short hairdo wouldn’t flatten as easily. I was wrong. His hair is definitely shorter, but it’s gelled and spiked; thus still bendable under the headphones. Why can’t the NFL find some sort of Bluetooth earpiece thing these guys can wear to communicate on the sidelines instead of the big, bulky hairdo-smashing headbands that currently weigh them down? The game was not all bad, though. Andre Johnson didn’t let us down ‘” scoring the first touchdown of the game in the first quarter. And, Matt Schaub was looking good and confident ‘” completing five out of six passes. Wide receiver, Kevin Walter was also in rare form. Then there was my newest boyfriend, running back, Arian Foster. He was smooth, precise and fast. Finally, let us not forget Mario Williams. He had two sacks in the first quarter ‘” he never ceases to amaze me! The bottom line here is: if the Texans are going to be contenders this season, the second string is going to have to show up for work and realize impressing me is not all about strutting their tight booties out onto the field — I’m easy, but I’m not THAT easy.