Ali Fedotowsky’s quest for love continued Monday evening as The Bachelorette 2010 week 5 soared into Iceland for more of the usual hyjinx. The edition’s action featured a poetry contest, a Justin versus Kasey showdown, and a super chilly group date. Before the night ended, Ali sent krazy Kasey and the mysterious Chris N. packing. Here’s the complete play-by-play, jam-packed with mild snarkery and speculation.
The Bachelorette 2010 week 5 opened with the guys’ plane touching down in Iceland, and Ali waxing poetic about their latest love-seeking destination. Chris Harrison gathered the Man Pack to explain the week’s plans: One group date, one one-on-one date, and a newfangled two-on-one date slated to end with a sudden-death elimination. He then told the pack that a near-on the spot love poetry contest would determine the winner of the coveted one-on-one interaction. They were given a single hour to compose their own poems for Ali, and as a bonus, Chris told them that interjecting Icelandic words might equal extra credit. Hilarity ensued as wrestler Justin was repeatedly denied help while the other guys succeeded. (Sorry, I think Justin is totally sketch. Apparently much of Iceland agreed with my assessment.) Meanwhile, Krazy Kasey of the Tattoo was convinced he had it in the bag. Given his penchant for lines and cheesemaster tendencies, it seemed unlikely. At best.
Ali arrived and the great battle of poetry got started. Craig got the competition started on a medium high note with a cheesy bit that turned amusing; Ali laughed aloud. Cheesemaster Kasey was up next with a predictably corny although oft-unintelligible offering, and a bunch of other guys followed with their own pieces. Chris N. was the worst of the bunch, offering up a painfully awkward poem. Kirk and Frank both saved the day, though, with their meaningful, personal poetry. Although Ali appreciated both guys’ for actually approaching her during their presentations, Kirk got the nod because she’d already had a one-on-one with Frank. Frank was understandably disappointed to lose out, but still smiled and hid his bad feelings while Kirk celebrated. “Got it in the bag” Kasey? Yeah, he was none too pleased. And he continues to be a scary, obsessive, stalkeresque person.
Kirk and Ali hit Reykjavik for a little exploration as their one-on-one date began on The Bachelorette week 5. They bought matching duds, and enjoyed some time by the waterfront, prompting Ali to say that she felt like they were a couple when they were together. Kirk had trouble opening up about his past to Ali, and she worried over his lack of serious dating experience. Back at the man pack palace, the guys got a note naming Roberto, Chris L., Chris N., Craig, Ty and Frank “the tank” to the week’s group date, leaving mortal enemies (okay, well, maybe not, but they definitely don’t like each other) Justin and Kasey to go on the two-on-one. Ha! This oughta be good. It’s a little disappointing, though; I mean, how obvious was it that these two guys would wind up on this date? They’re the two most sketch, drama queenish dudes on The Bachelorette 2010. Putting them together guarantees at least one more week of craziness. Will it be Justin smarmy crazy, or inked Kasey crazy? We shall see.
Back on the one-on-one date, Kirk and Ali sat down for a meal in matching sweaters and Kirk finally opened up a little more about his past. Ali pissed me off; she wanted Kirk to be honest and real with her, yet she made the most detached, vapid faces as he shared his story. I mean, I get that it’s hard to be real on camera, but if this dude is spilling his gut for you in front of millions of people, act like you’re paying attention! Ugh. Anyway, very long story short, Kirk was exposed to asbestos and mold, which caused him to develop serious health problems earlier in life. The lights came back on for blondie after he’d finished his story, they kissed, and she offered him a rose.
At the man pack palace, a concerned Frank talked with Kasey about his feelings on his upcoming two-on-one with Justin. Frank told him to be strong, but Kasey worried. A lot. In fact, he said that being sent home would “destroy” him. Oh my. Dude, you’re on a reality show. Everyone but one guy gets sent home, so the odds were never stacked in your favor. Oh, and you act crazy much of the time. A tip: Women often find that ilk of bizarre, obsessive and clingy behavior scary.
When The Bachelorette week 5 continued, the guys arrived for an Icelandic horseback nature tour with Ali. Cowboy Ty was pumped by the concept of the date and strutted around like a studmuffin, but Chris L. struggled with staying on his fluffy little horse. And it only got better as the group dismounted and Ali led them to a hole in the ground. Meanwhile, Justin had his cast removed and made plans for Kasey’s elimination. How sinister. Back on the date, Chris L. was lowered into the cave first with the goal of a little extra alone time with Miss Ali. She was uber-touched when Chris offered up his gloves. But it didn’t last long, as the other five guys quickly followed suit and they began their snowy, dark expedition. Frank expressed frustration that he’d been squeezed out of alone-time, and Ali echoed the sentiments privately, but with a twist: She noted his mental absence on the date, and essentially called it his loss. Oooooh. Ouch.
Later that evening, Ali took the group date guys to the Blue Lagoon, some sort of mystical lake. She immediately stripped down to a bikini and the guys flipped out in a scene complete with frantic clothing removal and lots of drool. (Okay, not really. But dude, they wanted some of that.) Ty continued his Bachelorette week 5 date-dominance as he and Ali swam off for a little alone time, and Chris L. followed suit with some smoochie smoochie of his own. Frustrated Frank lamented his lack of time with Ali.
Back at the men’s apartment, Kasey and Justin shared an uncomfortable conversation about their upcoming date. A confident Justin assured Kasey that he would not be the one going home, and it seemed like too much for Kasey to bear, so he got up and left the room. Nervous? On the group date, Frank finally wrangled some alone time with Ali, and she called him out on his lack of assertiveness during group dates. He apologized for not being more aggressive and vowed to do a better job of it. Later in the water, Ali retrieved a frosty Beauty and the Beast rose and offered it to Ty. Ty glowed, Chris L. brooded, and Frank found inspiration to fight harder in his quest to win the girl.
When The Bachelorette week 5 resumed, Kasey packed for his two-on-one date with Justin and Ali and lamented his predicament. Justin was, as usual, obnoxiously confident as he told Kirk that Kasey would have to EARN the day’s rose. Ali was touched when Justin showed up without his cast, and Kasey called him nothing more than an entertainer. The trio boarded a helicopter bound for the erupting volcano. They were impressed. Yeah, who wouldn’t be? Justin dominated Ali’s attention, though Kasey didn’t seem to notice. He was too busy marveling over the fact that they’d landed on the volcano. Justin the jerk continued the mind games as they watched the volcano spew lava, and offended the heck out of ME when he called Ali a “championship belt” a la his wrestling wares. Say what? Yuck. Yuck, yuck, yuck. Dude may as well start barking because he’s definitely a dog.
Later, Ali took the guys to an ice cave where she had alone time with Justin. He spewed crap about the best things not being easy to attain yadda yadda. Of course there’s truth to his words, but they’re so bloody insincere coming from his lips that they’re nearly impossible to swallow. Kasey’s alone time took place outside as the two shared some kind of hot beverage from a thermos. Ali asserted from the get-go that she just wanted Kasey to be “normal” on their date. Hahahaha! Kasey took the bull by the horns and showed her his tattoo. She was shocked. And a little alarmed. Newsflash, Kasey: This is NOT NORMAL. Swing and a miss, ‘Kasey’ at the Bat-style. A little while later, Ali addressed both guys and lamented having to eliminate someone, but inevitably offered Justin the rose and sent him to the helicopter. Ew. (Though in fairness, what kind of a choice was this? Smarmy guy or cheesemaster stalker? Egads.) Kasey took the rejection well, though it was sad watching him standing there alone as the helicopter took off. Jerky Justin gloated over winning roses for both Rated R AND Justin. Once again, yuck. His ego is so big that it’s hard to breathe.
When The Bachelorette week 5 continued, Justin continued gloating to the guys over his victory as they awaited Ali’s arrival. In keeping with his promise, Frank immediately stole Ali away for alone time. She shared that she knew that Justin wasn’t exactly beloved among the guys, and Frank praised her for being a smart girl. (Something of a non-sequitor – Justin and smart?! – but whatever.) The pair enjoyed some kisses and sweetness and both seemed to love every second while the rest of the guys stressed over the upcoming rose ceremony. One by one, they all had some alone time of their own. Craig was up next, and presented a fake tattoo that amused the heck out of blondie. The elusive Chris N. had time with Ali next, and very awkwardly claimed to be a funny guy. Uh, no. Oh, so painfully awkward. This guy is toast. Watching from a distance, Kirk and Frank deemed the pair a “brunch once a year” kind of couple. Yeah, that’s pretty much it. Chris L. claimed that he’d do any job and love in any city if he found true love. Awww. He still seems like such a genuine sweetie. Modest Roberto dismissed Ali’s proclamation that he’s too hot for her.
Before the rose ceremony, Chris and Ali chatted about the week’s activities in Iceland. Ali shared that she thought Kasey “fell in love with being in love” and reiterated that her decision to send him home was the best decision for both of them. She also shared that she thought a few of the guys had real potential, and Chris said he thought she was afraid of falling in love. Blondie didn’t deny it, but said she was “almost positive” she’d fall in love on the show but was “terrified” that he wouldn’t love her back. Ouch. Uh, why are you on the show if you have so many hang-ups, hon?
The Bachelorette week 5 finally came to a close as the week’s rose ceremony rolled around. Ali awarded the first bloom to Frank, and went on to save Chris L. and Roberto, leaving Chris N. and Craig as the last men standing. Craig received the final rose, leaving awkward stuffed shirt Chris N. as the odd man out. He seems like a nice enough guy, but he was so painfully… strange during his time on the show.
Tune into The Bachelorette 2010 as ‘girlfriend at home’ drama unfolds in Istanbul.
The Bachelorette 2010 week 5, ABC, June 21, 2010