This is a diary about stigma and how to fight it. It’s a delicate subject, and I am not a delicate person. But sometimes, delicate subjects need some harsh light. I am going to do some things in this article, and I should tell you what.
I intend to draw analogies among racial and ethnic minorities, people outside the “typical” sexual norms, and people with disabilities. Now, let me say that I do know that being an ethnic minority is not a disability, that being GLBT is not a disability, that being Black is not the same as being gay, and that none of the other analogies are perfect. But we are all stigmatized. And we can teach each other, and learn from each other, and fight the stigma. Because the one group we all belong to is the human race.
We are all different in ways that matter, but we are all alike in ways that matter most.
Here’s a conversation about Joe, who is a colleague of both Mike and Tom:
Mike: Did you hear about Joe?
Tom: What?
Mike: He’s ….. you know.
Tom: I don’t know! What?
Mike: He’s … like that
Tom: LIKE WHAT?
Mike (whispers) : He likes guys.
Tom: So? I like guys!
Mike: No, he REALLY likes guys.
Tom: NO!
Mike: Yeah. I heard it from Jane who heard it from Bill.
Tom: Damn.
Here’s another conversation – same participants
Mike: Did you hear about Joe?
Tom: What?
Mike: He’s gay.
Tom: You mean he’s finally out of the closet?
Mike: Yeah.
Tom: Is he dating anyone? Because I’ve got a cousin ….
Which one is nicer? Which one fights stigma?
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Here are some ads for skin bleaching cream and hair straightening treatments. Over there are some ads for Kwanzaa cards.
Which one is nicer? Which one fights stigma?
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Here’s another conversation, this time between Jill and Jane, about their friend Sally and her son Eric
Jill: Did you hear about Eric?
Jane: Sally’s kid?
Jill: Yeah
Jane: What about him?
Jill: He has Asperger’s. But shhh. She doesn’t want anyone to know.
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And another:
Jill: Did you hear about Eric?
Jane: Sally’s kid?
Jill: Yeah
Jane: What about him?
Jill: He has Asperger’s. She’s telling everyone, looking for help.
Jane: Cool! I’ll have to give her a call. My niece has that, and we’ve found some great sites.
Which one is nicer? Which one fights stigma?
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We don’t fight stigma by hiding who we are; we don’t fight stigma by pretending to be someone else. We don’t fight stigma by covering up. We fight stigma by being open – not prideful, exactly, but certainly not ashamed. Many GLBT have learned this (although not all have). Many Black people have learned this, as have members of other ethnic and racial minorities (although, again, not all have). But with the disabled, it’s much rarer to find people who have discovered this (although some have).
Sometimes people (in all three groups) hide out of fear, and that fear is often legitimate One need not look very hard to find reasons for people to be fearful – people losing their jobs, their friends, or even their lives. I find no fault with people who have weighed the risks and chosen to hide. But sometimes people hide out of shame. And that’s wrong. No one should feel shame because of race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, sexual identity, or disability.
We are all alike in the ways that matter most. We are all human.
Me? I’m disabled. I’m not proud of being disabled, but I’m proud that I’ve found ways around my disabilities. I feel shame for some things I’ve done in my life – I am a long long way from perfect – but I don’t feel shame for being disabled, because I didn’t do it. No more than someone chooses be GLB or T, or chooses their racial or ethnic identity.
Maybe someday we can all learn to value each other as people, with all our issues, all our identities, all our problems – and all our solutions. Maybe one day, we will realize that a one-color rainbow would be boring; that a salad with only lettuce isn’t interesting, and that all of us can contribute to society, if people will let us.
