Saving your marriage takes work. In today’s era of disposable relationships, couples may believe marriage separation is the only answer. Think about if: life is fragile. If we don’t pay attention to marital issues today, we may not get a second chance tomorrow.
You wouldn’t apply pressure to a fracture, would you? If your marriage is fractured, why not consider a marriage therapist, rather than pressuring your spouse to change this or do that. Saving your marriage takes work by both spouses.
Little fractures left unnoticed, can fester into irreconcilable differences.
Let’s look at three common marital issues that deserve attention. Perhaps we can fix them before they contribute to the great sadness caused by divorce.
Men and Women Communicate Differently
Men have selective hearing. If he’s watching football, ladies, your husband will tune you out and later swear you didn’t tell him about IT.
Seek your husband’s undivided attention. After dinner is a good time. During dinner isn’t. Relaxing together on the couch is a good time. When your mate is stretched out on the couch reading a book isn’t.
However, if an issue is critical – somebody died or somebody else is crying to get born – ask your husband quite seriously to, “please turn off the game and listen to me”. Should your spouse refuse, it becomes a matter of respect. A marriage without mutual respect is already in trouble.
Alternatively, women expect men to intuit what they want. We get all pouty and cranky if our spouse fails to second guess current couple issues in our mind.
Guys, breathe. Try to remember if it’s your wife’s birthday, your anniversary or some obscure holiday. Has your spouse mentioned anything about work or an upcoming commitment that might offer a clue?
If not, plunge into dreaded “we need to talk” waters! Say anything, even if it’s simply, “I know something is wrong, but I don’t know what. Can we talk it over?”
Remember, saving your marriage takes work. In healthy marriages, honest communication is the key.
Your Mate is a Victim
Women suffer in silence. Men yell and scurry-out the door.
Typical reasons range from, “You didn’t get the oil changed in my car. You never do things for me”, to “You’re always out with the girls and never cook dinner for me.”
Ditch absolute statements. Make every effort to stop using words, such as, always and never. As long as one partner feels neglected, he/she will remain a victim.
Work toward compromise. Husbands, could you note a date on your calendar when it’s time to take your wife’s car for a check-up? Wives, might you curtail some of the girls nights-outs. When you do go out, leave something in the refrigerator for hubby’s dinner.
Taking Each Other for Granted
Your spouse is not an old, comfortable shoe. You can’t chunk him/her into the closet in your mind and invite them to play when you’re in the mood.
Take heed when your usual form of communication becomes hasty e-mails and crisp phone messages!
You’re tired and obligated to your profession. But, either you wake-up and get busy paying attention to marital issues or your spouse may attract someone who will appreciate him/her.
Wives have you considered inviting your marvelous mate to “do lunch” (a loooong lunch) when you get his voice mail?
Husbands, could you compose an electrifying love letter to your lovely lady and send it via e-mail?
Saving Your Marriage Takes Work
When you were saying “I do,” you weren’t thinking”until things get too tough”. Were you?
Do you honestly want your marriage to become one of those disposable relationships, of which statistics are made?
Try a little kindness, a little tenderness. Get back to the basics. Be friends, be lovers. Because…
Pay Attention to Marital Issues – Life is Fragile
Life is fragile. Shake your couple dreams out of mothballs and make them priority. Dust off the photo albums and revisit old times. Crank up the tunes and waltz around your living room.
If your relationship is in real trouble, consider seeking marriage therapy. Common relationship problems can often be fixed instead of resorting to marriage separation or divorce.
Each time you work on your marriage and pay close attention to marital issues, you are practicing the traits of a healthy marriage. When your lover is also your best friend, do you really want to give up?