Was the Biblical Noah’s ark found in Turkey? Is this recent discovery of old wood proof of the flood story? Can fundamentalist Christians finally prove that they are right and people who believe in facts and intellect are wrong? No. In case you didn’t know, A Chinese-Turkish team of “Ark hunters” claimed on April 25th to have found pieces of the actual Noah’s ark. Basically what happened is the crew found pieces of wood that they claim are 4,800 years old at above 12,000-feet of elevation. Now people who are capable of independent thought not dictated by a book, would say that a piece of wood on a hill is not sufficient evidence to prove any fable. To the Evangelical Christian, however, clearly this is proof that the bible is literal fact, the mass murdering sky-man of the bible is real, and maybe the Nazi sympathizing child molester in the funny hat isn’t so crazy after all.
The problem is that finding proof of the Noah’s Ark story is like finding proof that “Star Wars” is real except less likely because it’s not as logical a story. The Christian Science Monitor reported that doubt had been cast on the reported discovery of the Ark. Really!?! Someone claims to have found an artifact from a fairytale about a man who built a boat and then gathered millions of animals from around the globe, and there’s doubt!?! Why would someone doubt that that this could be proof that Noah really did build a giant boat and fill it with two of every one of the several million or more animal species on the planet? Is it really so hard to believe that a man could capture two of every snake, spider, lion, Elephant, and fish among others, and put them together on a boat?
It’s at this point that I have to explain the fish, because I know some reading this got stuck on that last line and will say “It’s a flood idiot, why did you say he would have fish on the boat?” Basic science: we have both fresh water and salt water creatures, and a worldwide flood would destroy this balance and thus Noah would have to have some large aquariums on the Ark. So at this point we have a man who builds a huge boat big enough to hold millions of animals which considering the salt water / fresh water issue, would likely include sharks, whales, and octupi. I don’t see the problem.
While there is doubt about the legitimacy of this discovery, the crew from Noah’s Ark Ministries International says they are pretty convinced. In fact, they are “99 percent sure” that these pieces of wood are from Noah’s Ark. This brings me to my next problem with the story. Even if we say that the flood happened, Noah built a boat, Pinocchio became a real boy, etc, how do we know that this is “his” boat? The boat was not a new concept at the time of Noah; if it was, he probably wouldn’t know how to build one. Other people had boats, but Only one guy decided to load his family into one when the flood came? Logically if it was raining for 40 days and nights a lot of people would be setting sail, but I guess god probably zapped them with a lightening bolt, because mass murder was kind of the whole point of the flood in the first place. So we would have to at least suspect that there were other boats; even if there weren’t other people sailing around, there were other boats and other objects made of wood. Of course it would be ridiculous to suggest that a piece of wood found on a mountain could be anything other then the one true Ark.
I can’t believe that I’ve wasted so much time using logic when I could have believed poorly written fairytales. It’s so clear now; some guys found some wood and now we know that science is wrong, the earth is flat, dinosaurs never existed, unicorns did, and Pat Robertson isn’t an idiot. How wrong I’ve been.