Now that Kate Gosselin’s latest reinvention of herself on Dancing With the Stars is over, many are wondering what she should do now. Kate has made it clear that she must make money for her brood, despite the money that keeps coming in from books, DVDs, and a divorce settlement, so here are my suggestions for Kate Gosselin’s new job.
Kate Gosselin’s outlandish hairstyles have certainly made a splash, from her “reverse mullet” to her $7,000 hair extensions. While the fashion-conscious wouldn’t touch her styles with a ten-foot pole, word has it that suburban moms all over the country mirror her looks. So for all of those moms who want to get out of their sweats and wear designer heels to the grocery store, Kate should go into business. She could consult these women on how to tan until they turn the most tasteful shades of orange, wear clothing that’s only a few seasons behind, and have hair that will definitely turn heads. Kate Gosselin clones could pop up all over the country, with or without the eight kids.
Although Kate Gosselin’s cookbook never made it to the shelves, she insists that she is an amazing, original, self-taught cook. While all we’ve ever seen her make on the show is crackers, pre-packaged snacks, pieces of fruit, and a pot of soup, this could be a good thing for challenged cooks everywhere. Busy, frazzled moms could come to Kate to learn how to efficiently open packages and arrange their contents appealingly on a plate to appease even the pickiest of toddlers. Don’t expect this to be a cheap undertaking, though. Everything Kate makes must be organic, from her pretzels to her lollipops, so the ingredients alone will send class fees through the roof. But cooking from a celebrity like Kate Gosselin? Priceless.
If you want to leave your man but fear what that decision may cost you, have no fear-Kate Gosselin to the rescue! Don’t leave him, make him leave you. This way, you’re entitled to more money in the divorce settlement and you’re in the driver’s seat when it comes to splitting assets and making decisions. Kate can show you how to emasculate your man with the best of them and send him running for the hills. While one-on-one sessions would certainly yield the best results, they could get quite costly (Kate’s fees aren’t cheap-just pictures of herself cost $20 each). Kate could multiply her profits by the thousands by simply editing together countless hours of her interacting with Jon on Jon and Kate Plus Eight, adding voiceovers as she instructs you in the art of slowly wearing a man down until he’d rather eat his own arm than stay in the marriage. It may take a few months, but you’ll get rid of your husband guaranteed.
This is actually the one job Kate Gosselin is apparently qualified to do. Although, with her horrid bedside manner, even with her own children, and her belief that TV owes her work for eternity, it may be hard for her to find a job. Besides, if history has taught us one thing about Kate, it’s that she’s willing to do as little work for as much money as possible. So scratch the nurse thing-how’s reality TV instead?
Kate Gosselin on Dancing With the Stars
Kate Gosselin’s New Reality TV Show
Jon and Kate Gosselin’s Divorce