“In an effort to create a uniform and accurate method for determining brain death, the American Academy of Neurology has issued an updated guideline that provides doctors with a step-by-step process for determining brain death in adults.”
Well – now, that is interesting news, but I am way ahead of the Academy of Neurology and have already compiled a list of how you can tell an adult is brain dead. Here are the signs:
1. She marries him thinking he will change. Come on, he can’t even put the toilet seat down. What signs of change are you looking for ?
2. Believes British Petroleum’s press releases
3. Believes that Sarah Palin represents the future of American politics
4. Believes that the United States can bring peace to the Middle East, solve the immigration problem and win the war on drugs.
5. Watches poker, golf, then fishing on television for five hours straight.
6. Doesn’t understand why the National Enquirer never wins a Pulitzer Prize.
7. After three divorces, finally believes he has “found the one”.
8. Actually thinks her husband will save money by not calling a plumber.
9. Actually believes her teenage son when he says “To reduce our stress, the school has a new policy of no homework.”
10. Thinks that the oil spill is Obama’s fault.
11. Believes that Congress will actually reduce the federal deficit.
12. Supports “Made in America” but buys everything at Wal-Mart.
13, Takes another puff and says “I will never get lung cancer, I have good genes”
14. She thinks that he will never run off with a younger woman, so she keeps eating.
15. He thinks that a flabby belly hanging over skin tight Speedos is actually sexy.
16. He thinks the younger woman, with two kids, actually loves him for his mind and body, not his checking account.
17. Thinks that the corporation needs him and will never lay him off.
18. Thinks that Toyota planned the BP oil spill to get the news off of Toyota, Hmm, it did work.
19. Believes that a politician will actually be elected and “reform Washington”.
20. Believes that Americans actually care about the World Cup, The Tour de France and Wimbledon. Come on, we have NASCAR.
21. Watches Cops, followed by Operation Repo, followed by reruns of American Idol.
22. Keeps rooting for the Cubs. Actually this borders more on pathetic than brain damage.
23. Lets their son go on an overnight camping trip with the local priest.
24. Thinks that Hulk Hogan might actually make a good California governor.
25. Anyone who actually read this whole list.
American Academy of Neurology (2010, June 21). New guideline helps determine brain death in adults. ScienceDaily. Retrieved June 22,