Starring: Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, Taylor Lautner, Ashley Greene, Peter Facinelli, Elizabeth Reaser, Kellan Lutz, Nikki Reed, Jackson Rathbone, Billy Burke, Bryce Dallas Howard, Jodelle Ferland, Anna Kendrick, Dakota Fanning, Cameron Bright, Daniel Cudmore, Charlie Bewley, Xavier Samuel, Julia Jones, Boo Boo Stewart, Christian Serratos, Sarah Clarke, Jack Huston, and Catalina Sandino Moreno.
Directed by: David Slade.
Released: June 30th, 2010.
I can’t seem to remember the last time we had a good Independence Day weekend flick, they’ve been lacking in recent years. Between this nonsense and The Last Airbender, I smell laziness. Well, either way, this one turd of a film that we have roasting on the grill this time around is the latest chapter from The Twilight Saga called Eclipse, author Stephanie Meyers’ continuation of the events which transpired in Twilight and New Moon. This third entry does one thing right at least, it keeps up the tradition of everything that’s been making these movies suck so far: Horrible dialogue which George Lucas would be proud of, over-crowded with uninspired characters, dull pacing, bare-chested teenage men, and disgraceful blend of romance and fantasy.
But wait a second, I’m leaving out the worst part of it all, the central character herself. I’m pretty sure we’re all familiar with her type, you know, the one that leads two guys along at once in a love triangle, careless of the hearts she’s breaking in the process because she’s so involved in her own selfishness. Please, I’d rather watch the love triangle from Pearl Harbor, at least that was more plausible than this. How’s about we get down to the cringeworthy Underworld meets Dawson’s Creek story-line of Eclipse.
Bella is still leading along the hearts of Edward and Jacob, ding-dongs included, obviously unaware of the hypocrite she is. The only difference this time is that Bella and Edward are contemplating marriage. Meanwhile, Edward’s riff with Jacob continues from the last film. I just wish I were in Edward’s shoes for one second so I can tell Jakey boy to put some clothes on, have a beer, and chill out. This guy spends most of his screen-time acting with no shirt on, sounds more like modeling to me but anyways. The biggest subplot of them all here is an impending war between Edward’s clan of vampires and a rival clan of vampires who are amassing an army and are on their way over to engage in battle.
Speaking of battle, don’t get too excited, it’s nothing special. It’s just a small forest fight between 20-40 vampires, rival vampires, and werewolves, filmed completely in Bourne Identity inspired cinematography. You’ll find the dizzying Bourne effect well-throughout the entire film. Director David Slade seems rather uninspired to set himself apart from today’s standardized run-of-the-mill directing approaches. Either he’s crazy enough to follow this horrible trend of directing or he knows that these fans are so gullible that he doesn’t care what he throws at them.
Fans of the series can defend this film until they’re blue in the face, nothing will hide the fact that the Twilight series is an insult to cinema itself. These movies are a complete disgrace to the vampire and werewolf movies that are actually good such as The Howling, The Lost Boys, Near Dark, and Bram Stoker’s Dracula to name a few. Too bad they don’t make movies like that anymore, all we get is Twilight nonsense and crappy remakes like The Wolfman. At least Daybreakers made an attempt at trying something new for a change. Oh well, three bad movies down and what, two more to go? Can’t wait.