Recently, I discovered the potential cure for the coming energy crisis here. Which got me thinking about all of the other great inventions from the modern era and the quotes that spawned their creation.
Big screen TV – “That TV screen is way too small.”
GPS – “I’m tired of always getting to the correct destination, and I just feel kind of lonely.”
Computer mouse – “When I bang my pencil or coffee mug, it doesn’t make my computer any faster.”
Aspirin – “How many headaches can one woman get?!”
Camera – “You should have seen Bob last night. He was completely trashed!”
Compact disc – “That’s the 4th time my Journey tape has been chewed!”
Cell phone – “I am simply not bothered enough when I’m away from home.”
Ramen noodles – “Twenty two cents just isn’t enough for a whole meal.”
Video game console – “You know, honey, the kids just aren’t fat enough.”
Cubic zirconia – “It looks the same and costs less. SHE’LL LOVE IT!”
Condoms – “I can only avoid so many skateboards throughout the house.”
Birth control pill – “I don’t like using condoms.”
Minivan – “I’m sure she’ll remember to take that pill every day.”
Radar gun – “Do you know how fast you were going, sir? No? It seemed pretty darn fast.”
Geodesic dome – “Hippies need places to live, too, you know.”
Radiocarbon dating – “The devil’s clues are so hard to read.”
Undersea oil drilling platform – “What could possibly go wrong?”
Encyclopedia: We need something to sell door-to-door, no one is dumb enough to buy our monk robes, frontward or backward”
Sliced bread – “Like they always say, that’s the greatest thing since genital warts.”
Polygraph – “I did not have sex with that woman.”
Remote control – “Billy, change it to 5! Billy? Billy went to college? Crap.”
Roomba – “Just how lazy can we get as a society?!”
The videotape – “I’m kind of embarrassed to go to the theater to watch porn.”
The DVD – “My porn tapes lose too much quality after 28,000 views.”
The internet – “My house is really not large enough to store all of the porn I need.”
Facebook – “I wonder what everyone I’ve ever known and everyone they know is doing right now and what their interesting political and religious opinions are…”
Parachute – “AW FUCK!!”
