You’ve been dating a few months and have begun to think this guy might have the potential to be “the one.” But does he feel the same way? Every guy is different, but there are some clear signs telling you whether he’s looking at you with an eye to the future or an eye to the door.
1. His future plans and dreams all have one thing missing from them – you.
He dreams of living in Europe one day and occasionally waxes poetic to you about wandering down twisted cobblestone streets, or he talks about wanting to be a missionary for a year in Africa and bring clean water to thirsty villages. Funny thing is, you’re never in those dreams when he talks about them, nor is there any mention of where you are while he’s off building a life.
2. Sleeps with your sister. or your friend. or anyone else while he’s with you, and is defensive and defiant about it.
A guy who cheats isn’t ready for commitment, especially anyone who would cheat while the relationship is still young and fresh. Many couples have to deal with infidelity at some point in their relationship, but when that point comes during what should be the honeymoon phase there’s no real relationship there to salvage.
3. Is married already.
All cheaters say they will leave her for you, but they probably won’t, not before she leaves him first. And if he does come crawling to you at that point, why would you want him? And you might want to take a good hard look at a relationship that started off with lies and betrayal. What goes around comes around.
4. Lives with his parents, or on friend’s coaches, or cannot hold down a job for more then a couple months.
This, along with the cheating, goes back to not being ready to commit. If he can’t commit to a lease or to a job, he’s not ready to commit to a lifetime with one person. And unless you’re looking for a child instead of a husband, I wouldn’t force the issue until he grows up a little – if he ever does.
5. You’ve been dating for years and he has been skillfully ignoring hints about marriage for the past couple of them.
Some guys take longer to make up their minds then others. Maybe he wants to finish school first, or be more established in his career. Totally reasonable and a sign that he’s taking the whole “marriage thing” seriously. But if years have passed and it’s one excuse after the other with no end in sight, at that point it goes from responsible planning to skillful escape. If he’s been with you that long he knows you – and knows whether he wants to marry you or not. If he’s rather lose you then marry you, that says it all.
6. Is unable to share – things are his, or yours, but never ours.
You own nothing in common, even after years of dating. Not a painting, not an armchair, not even set of plates. If he’s making an effort to keep a clean line between what is his and what is yours, it might be so that when things end the possessions are easier to divide up. It shows foresight (no arguing over whose dog it is!) but foresight in the wrong direction – away from you. If he saw a future with you in it, then splitting the bill on a new tv for both of you wouldn’t be a big deal.
Hope springs eternal, and everyone can change but if you have a niggling feeling that he just doesn’t want to commit the rest of his life to you, and the passage of time or the man himself have backed that feeling up,it’s time to cut ties and start fresh with someone who can’t imagine turning 80 without you. If you want marriage and he doesn’t then there’s nothing you can do about it except find the perfect person for you out there who wants it too.