I love my sister and my mother, but at times they make me mad. They are both overweight, and all I ever hear is how lucky I am to be thin. This is common thinking for a lot of people, and your all wrong. I am not lucky to be thin, I see it as a curse. I would love to be bigger than I am, and I can not say it enough.
I am thirty pounds underweight. The last time I weighed myself, I weighed in at 94 pounds, if I was five feet tall this would be the perfect weight for me. However, I am much taller than five feet.
I go shopping, which I used to love to do, but now I am in and out of the stores. Shopping has become depressing. I go into a store, and they have all these beautiful clothes for normal size people and even overweight people. They don’t sell clothes for small people, like me. The reason is because they are not high in demand.
I wear a size 0 in pants, which is equal to a size 16 in the little girl section. At times I had to go so far as to buy my pants in the little girl section of stores because a size 0 is hard to find. If I am lucky to find pants in my size, normally they are to short in the leg. Department stores carry some, but $50 and up for a pair of jeans adds up quickly. With two kids and bills, spending that kind of money on pants is not an option.
My shirt size is an extra small, again it is not a common size to find so my shirts usually end up being baggy on me. My head is a joke. Just to buy a baseball cap I have to shop in kiddy section of stores. On the bright side I can still find shoes in my size.
Yes, shopping has become depressing for me, and you can understand why. My clothing is all name brands, because they sell clothes in my size. Due to the lack of name brand stores in my area, I have reverted to shopping online just to find clothes that will fit me, and I dislike it. I like to see what I am buying firsthand. I once bought a beautiful dress online, the picture was lovely, and I hate it. I look like crap in it, and refuse to wear it.
The world is focused on losing weight, not gaining weight. My goal is to reach 125 pounds. I started this goal in March of 2010, and I gained almost 15 pounds. It is still frustrating for me to watch TV or go online and see those ‘you can drop pounds with this method’ commercials and articles. It took me almost a month to find a good site to help me gain weight.
The issue is that I can not gain weight. I love food, but to look at me you would think I did not eat, so it is very frustrating. I have had people literally tell me I need to start eating. I eat a lot, I also drink Ensure just to get those extra calories.
I used to see Ensure as an old person drink. My grandmother drank it all the time, and it was because of her that I started to drink it. It taste great, it is good for you and it has helps me gain weight.
Like my mother and sister, and everyone else that is overweight, people that are thin have the same problems. We can not find clothes and we are at a health risk. For me, I wish there was more people, companies, that focus not just on weight loss but weight gain as well. I also wish there were more companies willing to make clothes in my size, without being ‘name brands’.