The Iowa Independent (that’s a newspaper, not a passable guitarist who can’t get a major label deal) reports that the Democratic Party of Iowa lost 10,045 registered voters in the month of June. In the same time period, the Republicans gained 37,271 voters.
Why are the Democrats losing so many supporters? Let’s take a look at some of the things Democrats have cocked up.
Young, anti-war voters flocked to Barack Obama’s presidential campaign, wooed by the Senator’s promise to bring the troops home from Iraq and Afghanistan and close Guantanamo Bay. Eighteen months into his presidency Guantanamo is still providing luxury accommodations (“a must visit” says Zagat), Iraq is still a quagmire, and Obama’s actions in Afghanistan have been antonymnal to the promise of bringing soldiers home.
(Yes, I made up the word “antonymnal.” I like it. If you don’t, you can go Roget yourself.)
In March, the administration proposed the expansion of drilling in the Gulf of Mexico. Four months later residents of the Gulf Coast speak of fish with nostalgia.
The Democrats’ pledge to provide universal health care for all Americans resulted in a bill that provides universal caviar and champagne for all health care company executives.
Joe Biden can’t keep his cakehole shut.
Dumb stuff like that explains why the Democrats lost 10,045 Hawkeyes. But why did the Republicans pick up 37,271…um…Cornfield Prophets?
Simply put, the Republicans have very successfully avoided making mistakes.
I’m kidding. I’m totally kidding. The Republicans have done more dumb things than Mayor Dumb Dumbly of Dumbville, New Mexico.
Nobody wants to vote for Harry Reid. Harry Reid’s son doesn’t want to vote for Harry Reid. It would be almost impossible to find someone who could lose to Harry Reid. Almost.
Nevada’s Republican primary voters chose Sharron Angle. Angle embraces some very popular opinions in this economy, like ending social security and cutting unemployment benefits. Angle wants to ban all abortions, even in cases of rape and incest. 75% of Nevadans are against nuclear waste being stored under their Yucca Mountain. Angle supports the dumping. Best of all, just in time for us to do our Fourth of July remembrance of all that the Founding Fathers stood, Angle has stated that the concept of “separation of church and state” is unconstitutional. In a year in which a poorly sealed bottle of Richard Nixon’s ejaculate could have beaten Harry Reid by 81 points, the incumbent Ambien is trailing Angle by a mere 5 points.
In the midst of one of the worst environmental catastrophes in history, Mississippi Governor Haley Barbour continues to support more oil drilling in the Gulf. Way to get Biloxi on your side.
Michael Steele can’t keep his cakehole shut.
So why are the Republicans gaining so much ground in Iowa? Because in a race between two candidates named Moron, never vote for the incumbent Moron.