I have never needed a gimmick to drink a beer. I’m not sure why brewers use them. If they make a good beer, the beer world will get the word out there. No need for gimmicks, the beer is the reward.
But, some brewers like to catch the attention of the beer enthusiast community with neat little gadgets that don’t make the beer taste any better. They don’t offer any value to the actual beer itself. They’re just gimmicks to make us look like how a flash in a pan attracts our attention. Sometimes it works.
Stuffing Beer Bottles in Road Kill
The End of History Beer is an enlightened beer brewer that claims to stay away from mainstream and conformity. Well, good for them. But, what they are doing with their bottling is something that is quite extraordinary.
Of course, you look at the bottle coming out of the squirrel’s mouth and you think it’s a fake squirrel. You can’t possibly imagine it being a real squirrel because that would mean either they killed the squirrel just to stuff it with their bottle or they scraped it off the side of the road. Well, the latter is more true. But, the road kill squirrel has been to the taxidermist and treated appropriately before they stuffed a beer bottle where the sun doesn’t shine.
The Vortex Bottle
When beer sales go down, gimmicks come out of the woodwork. The Vortex bottle makes the beer swirl as it comes out of the neck. I’m not sure what that’s supposed to do for the taste of the beer. But, it’s a neat little gimmick that might improve beer sales.
If I’m pouring my beer into a glass, which I never do, I’m sure I’ll get beer that just rolled over the ridges in the neck and came out as normal as any other beer does. But if I drink it out of the bottle, that’s where I think I’ll find most of my trouble.
I don’t need a swirling beer that bullets out of the neck like White Water in the Rockies. That’s a good way to look like an amateur drinker or a moron in front of your friends. A good hint would be to practice drinking at home before you attempt that trick at a party.
The Cold Label
This is the best of all because I never know when my beer is cold. I have no idea how to reach into the refrigerator and feel the bottle to make sure that I’m choosing a cold beer. I have often complained to my friends that I just wish there was a little gadget that I could use to find out if my beer is cold. All of a sudden out of nowhere, my prayers were answered.
The label turns blue to indicate to me, an obvious beer amateur, that my beer is cold. I like the fact that they chose blue because that’s the universal symbol for cold. If it were green or red, I might be confused wondering what that could possibly mean.
Gimmicks only drive the cost of beer up because we have to pay for the new gadget that attracts our attention. But, don’t you think it’s a little disrespectful? These beer brewers are treating their clients like morons who go for gimmicks rather than developing the awesome skill of being able to know what simply tastes good to us.