This morning I made a Top Ten Things I’m Grateful For list, and #1 was: I’m not married to David Letterman.
I really don’t like the guy. I never thought his humor was all that great, and then when it came out that he’d been having affairs with staffers-and he got away with it-that pretty much sealed the deal. What a jerk.
Occasionally, though, I’ll be up later than usual, and I’ll tune in to see who’s on his show. Last night it was Julia Roberts, so I decided to see what she had to say about Eat, Pray, Love, her new movie based on the bestseller by Elizabeth Gilbert. I didn’t learn a lot.
First there was the Top Ten List-How President Obama celebrated his birthday. It wasn’t offensive, just mildly political, and kind of funny.
When Julia Roberts came on, Letterman was like a kid-so excited, nervous and adoring. So adoring. “You look beautiful. You’re so beautiful! Isn’t she beautiful?” Makes for a really interesting interview, David Letterman drooling over Julia Roberts. Makes you want to throw up, actually.
And he still has a wife, right? I wonder if she was watching.
Julia Roberts was the cool one, and the funny one. When she said her children Phinn and Hazel were five-and-a-half now, he replied, “They’re twins, right?” To which she said, “Yes, that’s why they’re the same age, Dave.”
Julia seemed to be enjoying herself and in control of the situation. I noticed Letterman’s hand was on the arm of her chair. If I had been Julia, I think I might have slapped it. But she was cool, reciprocating his love and admiration while at the same time stressing that “the love of a good man” was key to her healthy, happy, attractive appearance.
She also noted her husband’s support as being a factor in her being able to run half a marathon, 13.2 miles, last December. Letterman said he runs, but has only gotten to 12 miles.
“You’re almost there!” said Julia, but David said he could never do it. When she suggested his wife would be supportive, he quipped, “There’s not much of that these days.” The audience roared. Is that funny? I’m just asking.
The promo for Julia Roberts before she appeared was immediately followed by spoken and written words asking if you have trouble with varicose veins. Julia made some good jokes about taking that personally, saying she had flaws, but varicose veins weren’t among them.
“Oh no,” gushed David. “You don’t have any flaws.”
So that’s when I turned off the TV. Ugh. I’m so glad I’m not married to David Letterman.