Society insists that black folks are different from all others races. This has been going on for centuries and is no different today. We are constantly categorized, separated, exploited and have to be “accepted” in certain circles. A late childhood pastor once said that the more we try to be like those other folks, the more we take on their abominable behavior. He was right. Back in the day when we were being discriminated against, spat upon, and treated like animals you never heard about a black mother killing her babies, or a black jumping from a 50 story building, or a black man slaughtering his entire family or killing his pregnant girlfriend. We cared for each other. We helped raise each other’s children. We helped other hard working families in distress.
Today we hardly do any of the aforementioned, but we’re quick to complain about black-on-black crime. We blame the youngsters for shooting and maiming each other, and for schools being literal prisons with metal detectors, scores of security guards and scared educators. We have five churches in every block on the boulevard, but the highest crime rate in the city. We can’t blame the youngster for everything. “Us” more seasoned adults are to be held responsible too. In any corporation, if the profits are continuously down, the chopping starts at the top first. Our attention needs to be called to how we behave as mature black men and women.
Black men, refrain from hitting on another black man’s wife, girlfriend or young daughter. You are a disgrace to your people, and have injected fear into young women who would like nothing better than respect you as an older man but she can’t because you take her kindness as an invitation to intimacy. The flirting with pregnant women is repugnant, along with kissing a woman’s hand instead of a respectful handshake. Many of these men are respected on their jobs, own homes with manicured grass, drive nice cars, deacons at church, and fathers of daughters.
Too few (if any) black pastors refuse to address these faults on Sunday mornings. They don’t make these men sit with their wives during services. They prefer all the men sitting together as a show of strength. Please. A show of strength is the family. A show of strength is seeing that husband and wife arrive at church together in the same car. A show of strength is a pastor who will call a spade a spade, and walk the walk himself. Men, lead. You have no respect for each other in so many ways, and you wonder why the youngsters are killing each other. The young rappers are having more impact on the black society than those of “us” who have worked hard with sweat, blood and education to build foundations and pillars for the weaker to stand on. Men, get into the lives of your boys with love and tenacity – constantly and continuously.
Ladies, that other woman’s husband is not yours, and likely never will be. Find your own. Go make an Eskimo warm. There are plenty of good, single black men out there despite the word on the street that says otherwise. Make a real handwritten list of what you want in a man. When you’re right yourself, you should be able to list at least thirty (30) reasonable attributes that describes the man your desire. The standard that you set is the same standard you must live up to yourself. Stop being that self proclaimed “queen” and be a Cinderella. Admire other black females. Don’t dislike another because you think that she thinks she’s cute. Maybe she is, and if she is hopefully she’s humble about it, because two steps up the sidewalk is another woman cuter than her. Raise respectable girls who will grow up to recognize a respectable man.
Try to abstain from mistreating each other as women. Exhort your sister instead of talking badly, cussing each other out, getting mad at another for the decision that she made for [her life]. That is so petty and laced with jealousy. Then several months later you want to be her friend again without apologizing AND discussing your negative behavior towards her. You can’t just go in and out of each other’s life without some accountability. That’s not true friendship. Believe it or not, your respect for each other as women does dictate how much men respect you.
Since we’re thought of as “different” than let’s be different, so that one day we can be first and not last. Say to yourself every once and while “I am my people,” Meaning, if all of our people were just like you, would we be better off or worse?