One of the primary reasons for divorce these days is infidelity. But it doesn’t have to be the end of a marriage. A couple who truly want to avoid divorce can stay together, but it will take some work for both parties, including the one who didn’t cheat. If you are that spouse, there are things you can do to help save your marriage.
First, allow yourself to have your feelings about the infidelity. If you are angry, be so. If you need to cry, go ahead. If you need to get counseling to sort out what you are feeling, get some. It doesn’t really matter at first if you go to counseling yourself or if your spouse goes with you. You need to find a place you feel save and where the person you talk to won’t be judgmental. Friends and family are not the best choices here; they will always have an opinion about your partner’s infidelity.
Then allow the reconciliation to be a two-way street. If you really want to save your marriage, you need to let your spouse know that you really care about him/her and want to be together. Make an effort to be caring toward your partner and put aside how much you have been hurt by his/her unfaithfulness.
It is important that you discover what led to the infidelity. Try not to lay further blame; instead, look for what drove you apart to see what you can change to help avoid future infidelity. Perhaps you need to cut back on some of your hours at work. A sex life is often an issue for couples who have been together for a while, so perhaps the two of you need to work together to rekindle the romance.
To save your marriage, you need to find a way to feel close to your partner again. Taking a trip together, just as a couple, is a great way to begin rebuilding a relationship after infidelity. The time spent in only each other’s company will help you recapture what you loved about each other when you first met. Although the idea may seem very uncomfortable to you, don’t fight against taking a trip together.
What is most important is for you to do some soul-searching. You need to decide if you can truly forgive your partner’s unfaithfulness. Forgetting is another matter; while you will probably never forget entirely, time will help. Forgiveness is something you must be able to give if you want to save your marriage. If you can’t forgive, you should not try to save your marriage.
Time does heal wounds. Although the pain from an unfaithful partner may not completely dissipate, if you are willing to try to save your marriage, there is something you want to keep about this relationship. Working together, you can avoid divorce.