Do you feel your relationship is lacking in the area of intimacy? Would you like to increase intimacy in your relationship? To help understand why many couples lack intimacy in their relationship and what a couple can do to increase intimacy in their relationship, I have interviewed psychotherapist Isadora Alman, MFT.
Why are some couples lacking in the area of intimacy?
“Some couples lack intimacy because one or both have no idea how to achieve it or really do not want a truly intimate relationship. Intimacy requires taking the risk of allowing oneself to become known, even the unflattering parts.”
“These days modern couples are set up to require a great deal out of their intimate relationships that was not expected in previous times. A couple is popularly expected to share the financial support and duties of running a household, parenting duties, leisure time activities, have exclusive sex, and to be each other’s “best friend”. That’s an enormous burden to put on one single person. And all this has to be done often without any education in how to achieve these things or much support from family and friends.”
What type of impact can a lack of intimacy have on a relationship?
“If both people in a relationship share similar desires for intimacy, no matter what the degree of closeness, they can be happy. If one wants more than the other, which is often the case, a man or woman can feel very lonely within the relationship and look outside for what is lacking. That can leave the other feeling betrayed. If there is true intimacy they can freely discuss what each needs in the relationship and acceptable ways of acquiring it.”
What can couples do to increase their level of intimacy?
“They need to talk to each other. To increase the intimacy within the couple one, and preferably both, has got to take the risk of sharing feelings, both good and bad. Both have to learn to ask for what she or he wants and learn how to say no as gently as possible. In many cases, where sexual intimacy is what is less than ideal, the couple needs to make time for those occasions to occur and often actually schedule them. If a person is unable to discuss sexual intimacy and what is needed to make it the best it can be for them, they are very unlikely to have it happen on its own.”
Thank you Isadora for the interview on how to increase intimacy in your relationship.
About Isadora Alman:
“I am a California licensed marriage and relationship therapist and Board certified sex therapist. My practice in Alameda, California specializes in communications and relationships, with oneself and with others. I am also the author of several books. My latest is a novel Bluebirds of Impossible Paradises: A Sexual Odyssey of the 70’s. My syndicated advice column “Ask Isadora” has run in many papers nationwide over the past 26 years. Web surfers can find my columns and participate in my free Sexuality Forum at www.askisadora.com and see my Psychology Today online blog at http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/sex-sociability.”
A Married Couple’s Path to Sexual Intimacy
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How to Put the Sizzle Back in Your Marriage