All of us have treated others in a stupid and inconsiderate manner. We say or do things of great harm and instantly wish that we had exercised more self control. Some of us may completely lack sorrow, but we want the relationship back or for life to return to normal. Either way, you may need a good apology and quick. This small tutorial will run you through the most effective ways to get your apology across in a strong, sincere manner, with lasting consequences.
Be sincere or bring yourself there. If you are sincere, sit down and think for a bit about how sincere you really are. Will you most likely be repeating your behavior or is this the last time? Can you honestly picture succeeding at avoiding that behavior in the past? If you are not sincere, but just want to get it over with, you might put yourself in the other person’s shoes and think of what they would want to see. In fact, you might think of all of the ways in which they would ideally love to see you and consider whether you can make a few changes in that direction. This is important in order for your apology to stick for a while. They must see change and the change must last for at least a short while.
Evaluate the situation and past situations thoroughly. Consider all of the aspects of the current, apology-inducing situation. Recall any details or past statements which might have been forgotten. Also, be sure to think of past behavior. If you have been producing bad results for a long time, then the amount of time it takes to bring their trust level up is directly proportional to the amount of time you have been displeasing them. For example: If you have fourteen years of coming home drunk and beating your wife to live down, she probably won’t have hope for change in two years. Realizing this can help to reduce frustration if you are not being given credit right away for good behavior.
Ask for help. One of the best ways in which you can show remorse to the other person is to ask them for help. Your apology must look long-term in order to be truly effective. Show them that you do not want to do those things again by asking them to help you with your bad behavior or habits. Have a list ready of various things which would assist you in uprooting the problem and ways in which they can be involved. Insist on their help, even if they do not want to get involved. In this manner, you are showing some backing of your sincerity.
Focus on the root of the problem. Many people continue in behavior or habitual thinking which lands them in the exact same place they were before. If this is you, consider why you really may be thinking or acting a certain way. Delve into your childhood if necessary, but come up with a good, solid past to back up your current problem. It is more sustainable and helpful if this past is true, but if you are not really sincere in the first place, at least try to make it remember-able. Also, if it is a common, widely-spread problem, you might be able to use it in the future in another apology. It is good if you make it adaptable.
Explain as you go along. To really show that your apology was real and heartfelt, you must display change of behavior for a short time. In addition to this, demonstrate a little change of speech. Explain some transitional behavior by telling the other person why you are not yet where you would like to be, but pointing out that you are moving away from where you used to be. Do not wait until they are angry with you and you must bring this up as an excuse. Instead, point out the progress which you are making as you go along in a relieved, cheerful voice. This will remind them that, though you are not perfect, you are moving toward a positive future.
Apologies are not pleasant to give to someone else. It can hurt your pride, make you feel bad and may even make you feel like a failure by the end. However, if your friend or partner is worth the apology, at least put in the extra effort to make it look right.