When I wrote 5 Obnoxious Jerks Who’ll Own the iPad First, I thought that buying an iPad would make me more jerk-like, but au contraire, mon fraire! Not only did I become more awesome (impossible, right?), my iPad magically turned everyone else into ***holes – and here’s how.
People are still kind of rude about the whole “iPad thing”
Once you’re identified as an iPad owner you’ll be met with lots of iPad abhorrence: “The iPad is just a big iPod”, “What’s all the hubbub”, “Why would you spend that much money on that…”, “Oh, so you bought an iPad, huh”, “I just don’t get it”, etc. etc. For some reason, people feel that it’s perfectly polite to say rude s**t to iPad owners. I’m not sure if its jealousy, confusion, hatred, or an allergic reaction to the iPad, but the average person has a negative bias towards the iPad.
Everyone wants a tech demo
This might sound a bit petty, but after you’ve purchased an iPad, everyone you know and don’t know will want to rub their grubby fingers across your new doodad. Letting a few friends test out your iPad is no biggie, but after countless “can I touch it?” requests, whoring out your iPad gets a bit old. No matter where you’re at, as soon as you pull out your iPad, fingers from all around are immediately attracted to it; and no matter how awkward you make it, these iPad zombies won’t take no for an answer. – Extra jerk points added if they complain after testing it out.
Even if people don’t come out and say it (especially if they don’t); they’re completely jealous of your new iPad gizmo. You can easily pick up on the subtle signs of iPad jealousy by listening to the disingenuous comments all your friends make after you show up with the new iPad; you’ll hear things like “you bought an iPad? Must be nice…”; “Big spendaaa”; “Aye, I wish I could afford one”; “Oh, me? I’m just waiting for the 3G”. When you walk into the room and everyone else stops talking, it’s not because they all ran out of things to say simultaneously; it’s because they were all talking about you, silly.
Ill will will be wished upon thee
Pure unadulterated jealousy isn’t the worse thing you’ll suffer after buying an iPad; your friends, family, and foews will wish harm, misfortune, and general ill will towards you and your new iPad. If you look closely into an iPad hater’s eyes, you’ll see that they wish nothing less than for you to break your iPad, have it stolen, lost, or ripped from your cold dead fingers. If you leave your iPad unattended for 2.5 seconds these iPad haters would swoop in and swipe your iPad from right under your nose.
For more read iPoop: Why the iPad is the Perfect Bathroom Companion, 5 iPad ComplaintsThat Are False, but Believed to Be True, and 5 Obnoxious Jerks Who’ll Own the iPad First.
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