A belief in God is a really tricky subject. There are many Christians who go to church every Sunday and don’t really know what it is to believe in God. I’m not a Christian and I rarely go to church and yet I feel I have a more personal relationship with God than most people will ever have, Christian or not.
I guess this is what I get for deciding to ask God for help on a road trip that wasn’t going well. I was sixteen and going across the country in my step-dad’s homemade vehicle. We call it the truck though it looks nothing like a pickup. It’s made out of Volkswagen parts, road signs, diamond plate, and whatever other metal scraps he can pick up. It’s also really loud to ride in due to many factors.
We were broke down before we even made it out of the drive way. That had to be a sign that we were going to have trouble on this trip. The clutch broke, the brake pedal broke, the alternator broke, the axel broke, and those are just the major problems.
As we were stopped at this little gas station in the middle of Wisconsin to fix the axel I decided to try something. I was going to ask God for help. I had never really believed in God prior to this moment. I was a proud Agnostic/Wiccan and I didn’t need to change but at this point I was willing to give anything a shot.
I prayed to God for the first time in years and asked him to help us. I then decided it would be fun to imagine what his response would be. This was the beginning of the end for me. I imagined his response and decided to make a deal with him. I would believe in him if he helped us on our trip and we didn’t have any more problems. His response was that was a fine deal. I had no idea what I was getting myself into.
We fixed the car and got back on the road. We didn’t have any more problems the whole rest of the trip. Nothing broke, nothing fell off, I couldn’t believe it. My prayer had worked, we didn’t have anymore trouble. Unfortunately I now had to hold up my end of the bargain. I had to believe in him.
We were at the point in the trip where I started talking to myself simply because the truck was too loud for me to talk to my step-dad without yelling at the top of my lungs. That’s when the voices began. My mind was yelling at itself. That was really annoying, and then there was the imagined voice of God trying to talk to me, telling me it was God. I didn’t want to believe it. If God was in my head I was surely crazy. Then again I had other voices in my head as well.
After a while I decided to believe the voice and started asking it questions about stuff. At this point I knew it wasn’t me responding because God was answering the questions differently than I would answer them. Most of the questions he told me to just wait and see but some of them he would actually give me a real response.
I heard God’s voice for the remaining two weeks of vacation but by the end it was getting really faint and I had to instigate the conversation being as God had stopped popping up with random stuff to tell me.
I still hear his voice sometimes when I’m feeling sad or depressed. He tells me I’m good at things and boosts me up when I can’t do it myself. So it’s really a good thing that I started hearing his voice.
Needless to say I still believe in God though my faith was shaken recently and I’m not quite sure if I’m back to where I was. Faith is a tough thing to manage and even if you feel like nothing can break it there comes trying times that make you question what you really believe.