Cyrus is a comedy movie about a divorced man who falls for a woman and then develops a competitive relationship with her son. The divorced man, John, is played by the always funny actor John C. Reily. Equally funny is actor Jonah Hill who plays the title character. The woman he falls for, Molly, is played well by actress Marisa Tomei. The following are a few funny quotes from the movie, and were written by Mark Duplass and Jay Duplass.
Funny Quotes from the Movie Cyrus – Shrek Quote
The setup for this funny quote from the movie is Molly and John meeting and talking at a party.
John to Molly: Are you flirting with me? …I’m like Shrek. What are you doing here at the forest with Shrek?
Funny Quotes from the Movie Cyrus – Jaguar Quote
The setup for this funny quote from the movie is John and his ex Jamie (played by actress Catherine Keener) run into Cyrus and Molly at the park. Cyrus then wants to take photos of John.
(Cyrus takes a photo of John’s hair)
John: What are you doing?
Cyrus to John: The light is hitting your hair in a great way. It’s like a crippled tree reaching to Heaven.
Cyrus: John, would you mind doing me a huge favor? Would you mind getting into the tree?
(John climbs up into tree)
Cyrus: Try where you get into the tree just like a jaguar.
John: Like a jaguar?
Cyrus: Yeah, climb up the tree like a jaguar. …Ah, that’s great, that’s great. You’re a natural. Now do one where you just scream as loud as you can.
Cyrus: That’s not screaming. That’s moaning.
John: You’re bossy Cyrus.
Cyrus: You look incredible right now. I’m really trying to get the most of this. Now scream as loud as you can.
Funny Quotes from the Movie Cyrus – Listen Quote
John: You can relax. It’s just me.
Cyrus: I’m sorry…
John: We should talk.
Cyrus: I was going to come back. I was going to apologize to you both.
John: You’re going to hide my belt now?
Cyrus: You are out of your league. I will do whatever it takes.
John: Listen to yourself. What do you think your mom would say if she could hear you right now?
Cyrus: Who’s going to tell her? You? Who do you think she’s going to believe? Her son who needs her now more than ever after his battle with panic and anxiety or this new guy who clearly wants her kid out of the way?
John: Listen to me you little weirdo. If you want to mess with me, I’m going to mess with you right back.
(Molly knocks and enters room.)
John: Ah, buddy.
Funny Quotes from the Movie Cyrus – Shower Quote
Cyrus: Night John (enters bathroom).
John: Actually your mom is in the shower.
(off camera, sounds of Cyrus and Molly singing).
Funny Quotes from the Movie Cyrus – Sex Quote
The setup for these funny quotes from the movie is that the three main characters are sitting around the table visiting having a conversation.
Cyrus: John, I have to apologize to you.
Cyrus: I mean, you came in and I sat you down and I just started blabbing all about my life. I get overly excited sometimes and I apologize. I honestly am curious to hear about you.
John: Well, uh, let’s see, um… I’m an editor.
Cyrus: I don’t want to know what you do. I want to know what you are, who you are.
John: Ok… I’m divorced. It wasn’t my idea. You know, I got left. And I’ve been in kind of a dark existential place to tell you the truth. And then I met your mom at a party and, I don’t know, things are looking up for the first time in a long time.
Cyrus: So, are you going to stay the night?
John: Maybe we should ask your mom, I don’t know.
Molly: I think that’s between me and John.
Cyrus: That’s just…
Molly: Enough said.
John: …We did have sex.