Let me start out by saying I’m divorced. You may wonder why I think I’m qualified to be writing about marriage and the inspiration I’ve found in it, let alone Bible scripture to support that inspiration. I personally feel it makes perfect sense. Especially now that my ex and I are struggling to reconcile, I find myself turning to the word of God to help me through these times, and I’ve come to realize more of the needed faith I should have had during the marriage.
For instance, look at 1 Corinthians 7:28. It states that “those who marry will face many troubles in this life.” Well! How about that! I’ll admit that when coming into my marriage I naively expected a happy ending. Obviously this wasn’t the case and my marriage wasn’t the only one susceptible to such hard times. I wish now I knew to expect such difficult times and had the knowledge that through it all God would have my back and I would make it through as a stronger person.
Look at Adam and Eve for example. Those two were literally made for each other. A real match made in Heaven so to say. Look at the conflict they had! That should really put some perspective into a marital spat.
“Honey, didn’t I ask you to put the lid down?”
“Oh yes, Dear. But I didn’t eat the forbidden fruit.”
Now, I’m not saying to just back down and let everything ride. But you do need to remember that you and your spouse are a team. It’s not about “I” and “you” but instead it’s about “we.” “(Whoso) findeth a wife findeth a good (thing), and obtaineth favour of the Lord.” [Proverbs 18:22] Keep in mind this doesn’t mean that any man can find any woman, walk all over each other and God will smile down on them. I don’t believe it means anything remotely close to that. My husband loved me more than I could ever realize–and everyone saw that but me. In this case, my husband was the man God wants a husband to be. My husband realized that God came first, then his wife, then the rest of the world. I admit that this is where I failed. My husband treated me as he should, but I wasn’t capable of receiving his love or even returning it. I loved my husband, but I saw my flaws and convinced myself I wasn’t deserving of this love. It’s taken a lot of heartache and deep soul searching, but I now know I am that wife quoted in that verse. A man capable of loving me will in return be shown that same love from me.
A difficult part of coming to this point was admitting I was expected to be loved as such. Marriage is sacred and so are the two people in that marriage. Matthew 19:6 reads, “So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.” This hits home in so many ways with me. By not accepting the love my husband gave me, I became one of the factors that separated us. In Mark 10:9 it is again stated that “what God has joined together, let no one separate.” Repetition of such should be a huge red flag saying “Hello! Remember that!”
I of course interpreted that to mean only external factors were causing our separations and tearing us apart. Ex boyfriends and girlfriends, work stress, single friends not appreciative of a marriage, seeing our own friends having affairs…even in-laws. But at the end of our marriage, it was me that severed the ties. Neither my husband or I are perfect, nor will we ever be. Like I state before, marriage can get rocky, but life itself gets rocky. That’s no reason quit, even when sometimes giving up seems like the easiest way.
I can say from experience that I was wrong in many parts of our marriage. It takes both the husband and wife to accept each others faults as well as their own faults. The husband is to love his wife and the wife is to love her husband in return. A married couple is actually just one individual sharing their minds and their hearts with the blessing of God. When times get tough I can turn to God and listen to what he has to say and is still saying. I hope we all can do that. For the sake of God, marriage, and love.