If you are a father who is considering divorce, or are already in the midst of one, and you want to fight for the custody of your children, you need to be fully aware that our family court systems in the United States are geared towards mothers. As soon as a mother claims she has been physically abused by her husband, the children’s father, the doors swing wide open in our legal establishments. Even if the claim is proven later to be false, a tactic many mothers are using today to gain physical and legal custody of their children, the door has already been opened and the father’s chance to clear his name is practically gone.
As soon as the homes are split, mothers and fathers will need to retain their own individual attorneys. Where abuse has been planted in the seeds of the legal system, there is no such thing as a “quicky divorce” when custody is being fought over. When the mother claims abuse has happened, the courts must listen. What happens if she’s telling the truth and something terrible happens to her and those in authority didn’t listen. Can you say lawsuit! Because they can’t tell who is telling the truth and who isn’t, they assign a Guardian Ad Litem, to investigate both parents and claims in order to determine what is in the best interests of the children.
Unfortunately, if a child is too scared to talk, they may end up in a truly abusive home. If there has been any parental alienation taking place by one parent over the other, this could turn the children against one of their parents. While this tends to work with some children, thankfully it doesn’t work on all children. Some kids are able to stand up for themselves and be truthful about what had been going on in their family home prior to being separated.
Even after establishing the facts that the supposed abuse was nothing more than a mother’s attempt at turning the tables in her favor, this doesn’t help the father gain custody. Wherever possible the courts feel that it is in the best interest for the children to have joint physical and legal custody with both parents, but with the primary home being with the mother. The courts see mothers as nurturing by nature and therefore can meet both the physical and emotional needs of caring for their children. This leaves the fathers with whatever time the Judge allows for them.
But what happens when the mother is proven to be unfit, nothing. The mother can be a drug addict with one or more felony convictions and test dirty throughout the custody process and still retain custody of her children. The mother can be a proven liar, making false abuse charges against her soon to be ex-husband that are eventually dropped for lack of evidence, and still retain custody. The mother can have felony theft charges against her and claim that her husband’s abuse caused her laps in judgment.
The guardian ad litem can recommend that full physical and legal custody should be granted to the father who shows more responsibility in taking care of his children’s financial, emotional, mental, and physical needs. During a trial for divorce, the Judge can go against his court appointed evaluators and give the mother full physical and legal custody of her children and then turn around and give the father supervised visits. Some Judge’s feel sorry for the mothers who have had temporary custody turned over to their husbands, leaving them emotionally cut off from their children’s lives. It doesn’t matter if she has been proven to be unfit, she is the mother.
Our family court systems are set up to help the mothers retain full physical and legal custody and leave the fathers with the responsibility to support them financially. A lot of fathers express their rage towards our legal system and they are determined to be verbally abusive for raising their voice or calling their wife a liar during the trials. It’s hard to sit back and watch some unknown figure dissect their family. Some fathers choose to pay their financial obligations, but refuse to see their children. They claim that it is too much of a heartache on both the children and themselves when they’re lucky to see each other 6-8 days out of a month. They don’t want to play “Disneyland Daddy.” As overwhelmed as our family court systems are, they need to take the time and do the proper research to find what is truly in the best interests of the children and not in the mothers versus fathers.