Do you have these common delusions?
Cubs Delusion: An unhealthy optimism that the Cubs might actually win a World Series in your life time. Characterized by repeatedly saying “Wait Until Next Year.”
Commitment Delusion: An unhealthy ability to form any lasting meaningful relationship with any woman. Often found in men who are living in a studio apartment, eating Top Ramen, while their ex-wives are gleefully opening the alimony check and living in their former house.
Red Sox Delusion: An avoidance of reality. Often caused by supernatural events, such as the Red Sox actually winning a World Series. Red Sox fans also actually expect another such miracle to occur . They have a better chance of marrying the tooth fairy or finding out where the Easter Bunny lives.
Soccer Matters Delusion: Occurs every four years when the US soccer team actually makes a World Cup Tournament. Newscasts proclaim that Americans actually care about soccer, while the average American flips through the channel wishing that football season would begin soon.
Government Help Delusion: The strange belief that if the government takes over everything from health care to banks to car companies, that the economy will actually improve. Characterized by an avoidance of any economic data that deals with reality, such as the monthly employment reports.
Fill the Jail Delusion: Another strange belief that if we fill the jails with anyone that even stumbles across a marijuana cigarette, we can win the war on drugs, Characterized by an avoidance of reality, a denial that wealthy drug lords exist and a desire to keep building more jails.
Jay Leno Delusion: A strange belief that if Jay Leno comes back, people will actually watch NBC. Rumor has that it that NBC is working on resurrecting Johnny Carson.
Newspapers Are Alive Delusion: A belief that people will actually wait for a newspaper to arrive on their doorstep, just to read news that they saw on the internet a week ago.
The Weather Channel Delusion: Shared by over 100 million Americans , this delusion is characterized by a strange belief that watching weather on TV is more exciting than taking a walk and experiencing real weather.
BP Delusion: The strange belief that when a major corporation causes a major environmental crisis, that the corporation will be honest and forthcoming about the extent of the crisis and the damage caused the crisis.
Commercial Delusion: Related to the BP Delusion. Characterized by the delusion that if your CEO comes on TV and acts sincere, all will be forgiven.
Helpless American Delusion: A common belief often found in politicians, characterized by the delusion that Americans are not grown up and incapable of taking care of themselves, so the government must babysit them. Closely related to the Government Help Delusion.
Middle East Delusion: A strange belief that if we keep getting involved in the Middle East, all animosity will disappear and that religious sects that have been fighting for years, will join hands and sing Kumbaya then all go out for ice cream together and never exchange a cross word again.
Movie Stars Are Happily Married Delusion: You are actually shocked when that “perfect Holywood couple” breaks us less than two months after their marriage.
The Bank Delusion : Characterized by a belief that a bank is your friend. Closely allied with the Electric Company Delusion, that the electric company will let you go three months without paying your bill and still keep the lights on.
Kids Will Leave Home Delusion: Characterized by the belief that after your kid spends $100,000 earning a degree in either history, political science, communications, English, humanities, sociology , that he will NOT move back in with you when he graduates.
Love is All you Need Delusion: Characterized by constantly asking mommy and daddy for money.