Divorce is the ultimate end of a marriage, even if it ended in other ways months or years prior. For some, it is not easy to decide on divorce, but for others the choice to divorce comes easily. Whether or not it is an easy decision depends upon the level of problems within the marriage. After all, even the worst offenders maintain some good qualities, and those with a conscience will remember the good times as well as the bad. What kind of life do you want?
When the good outweighs the bad in a marriage, and counseling is not an option for whatever reason, consider these important points regarding divorce and mental abuse. Divorce is a personal decision that should not be taken lightly just as marriage should not be taken lightly. Unfortunately, divorce is a sad ending that many people face, and these issues taken from personal experience will help put the subject into perspective for those considering divorce because of mental abuse. Divorce does not have to be an ending. It can be the beginning of an optimistic new life without the constant barrage of mental abuse.
Content Disclaimer Regarding Marriage, Divorce, and Mental Abuse
Each situation is different regarding marriage and mental abuse, and divorce is a personal decision. Before choosing divorce as an option, make an attempt to seek counseling as a couple to try and correct marital problems. When the other partner in marriage refuses to accept the offer of counseling, decide on divorce if this is the only other option. Seek therapy alone to correct self-esteem issues and other damage caused by mental abuse. People are not always willing to admit they have a problem, especially if mental illness is the source of marital problems. They might not be able to see or comprehend the damage they have caused, and they will move on to the next person willing to put up with them. When in danger, by all means, get out of the home and seek help immediately.
Continual Threats to Leave is a Reason to Decide on Divorce
When someone is continually threatening to leave, it is impossible to feel secure in a marriage. It is also impossible to feel loved, and a marriage without true love is not a marriage in every sense of the word. When security is lacking and cannot be regained, for some this is a legitimate reason to decide on divorce. This is a form of mental abuse. No one wants to live with constant insecurity, and when an apparently unhappy spouse is recurrently threatening to leave, make that decision for them. Give them what they want, and gain back a sense of security on your own. Do it on your terms, and take control of the situation once and for all.
The Inability to Share and the Desire to Control is a Form of Mental Abuse
Someone unable and unwilling to share should never marry in the first place, but they do because they are not capable of recognizing their faults. Marriage is about sharing and compromising, but some must have it their way or no way at all. They are controlling. In the beginning they seem to be willing to share since all is new, but after returning from the honeymoon, when someone is truly selfish and controlling, sharing is not even a negotiable subject. This is also a type of mental abuse.
When someone refuses to share everything from treats to the television, and when they feel they must be in control at all times, it is time to decide if divorce is the answer. Who wants to go through life always giving and never receiving? An adult that has never learned to share probably never will. Give them what they want, and get out of the marriage. That way they can truly have it all.
Untreated Mental Illness is a Reason to Decide on Divorce
It is absolutely exhausting listening to someone continually complaining. People like this make enemies everywhere they go, and they can turn something that should be pleasant and straightforward into an extremely dismal, complicated, and sometimes embarrassing ordeal. Continual negativity and chronic complaining is a reason many people decide to divorce, but a bad personality is not entirely to blame. This is a sign of mental illness, and it is mental abuse when others are subjected to this behavior on a regular basis.
When a chronic complainer will not admit they have a problem and refuse mental help, it is often best to decide on divorce. Save yourself from the insanity of mental abuse. Give them what they want, and let them argue and complain, but not in your presence. Until they find another sympathetic and agreeable ear that will put up with their ramblings, they will be talking to themselves. In this case it is best to decide on divorce. The other option is listening to complaining and negativity until you also lose your mind.
Laziness and Control is a Major Reason Some Decide on Divorce
It takes more than a paycheck to run a household, even when renting. It takes a couple working together to make the household run smoothly, and when laziness takes precedence, some people decide on divorce. After all, the worker in the marriage is doing everything anyway. Once the lazy spouse leaves, their bills will follow them, and life will only get better. This is not necessarily mental abuse, but it certainly is not fair.
Give the chronically lazy person a reasonable chance to change, but decide on divorce if they continue forcing everyone else do it all. In the end, give them what they want, and choose divorce over working yourself to death. Show them the door in the ultimate way. As long as they do not have to repair that door, chances are they will not care. They will immediately begin looking for another recliner, another bed to hog, another television remote to monopolize, and someone else to control. On the bright side, you will regain the chance of having a happy life without mental abuse.
Hatred Toward a Child is the Ultimate Reason to Decide on Divorce
When a child is hated and a victim of direct or indirect mental abuse, this is the ultimate reason to decide on divorce. After all, who could truly love someone that hates their child? Kids are not perfect, no matter what some parents think. If real problems exist, they should be dealt with as a couple in a loving and helpful manner, but when problems are manufactured out of hatred, this type of bad behavior should never be tolerated. Many stepparents are good, but others would hate what they consider the child of the enemy no matter what they do. That child would never be good enough, and they will be the victim of ongoing mental abuse. It might be necessary to decide on divorce to save your sanity and that of your child.
Give that stepparent what they want, and remove the child from their life by showing the uncaring abusive adult the door. Decide on divorce if they refuse to participate in continual family therapy. They must make a genuine effort to improve, because a child of any age should never be the subject of hatred or abuse of any kind. It will create a vicious cycle that will never resolve itself. The more that child is hated, the more they will displease the stepparent, and the further the victim of mental abuse will sink into the depths of despair. A good parent would never choose an unreasonable, uncaring, and hateful spouse over their child, and a decent human being would never abandon their offspring.
Refusal to Seek Counseling is a Reason to Decide on Divorce
The aforementioned scenarios regarding mental abuse are only the tip of the iceberg when trying to decide if divorce is the answer. As previously mentioned, decide on divorce only after attempting to seek professional help when mental abuse is a factor. Once counseling is presented and refused, decide on divorce if life is unlikely to change. Life is far too short to tolerate selfishness, hatred, threats that create feelings of insecurity, and painful and constant complaining from anyone. This is emotional and mental abuse that no one should have to endure.
Do what you feel is best, and as a last resort, get out of the marriage with your mental well-being intact or at least salvageable. Decide on divorce if the abuser refuses professional help. No one, especially children, should have to ever tolerate this type of abuse from anyone. Decide on divorce for the sake of your happiness and sanity, and that of your children. Ultimately you must decide if divorce is the answer, or you must live with the reality of life with a difficult spouse that refuses to change.
Source: Personal Experience