Whether you’re new to dating or getting back into the game, here are some tips to help you stay considerate of other’s feelings and have a good time. Here are some answers to some of your most puzzling dating questions.
Q: I really like this guy. He is so handsome and I want to ask him out. Should I?
A: Personally, I’m an old fashioned girl so my gut would say no. However, this is the modern age so I would do it with a twist. I’d say that if you mutually desire to get to know each other and start talking then try this. Tell him you’re stopping at a coffee shop after class/work and ask if he wants to grab a cup with you. Better yet, invite him to a group event with friends. Then, leave it be and let him pursue you for the real ‘dates’. Men love to pursue women.
Q: A man asked for my number and I’m not interested. What should I say?
A: Just be honest. Tell him sure but you’re only looking for friendship. If he’s really flirting and you can tell he wants to take you out -or he tells you that- gracefully decline. I’ve been guilty of giving my number out to men I wasn’t interested in when I was new to dating. However, that feeling of guilt that I was getting someone’s hopes up really felt worse than it feels now when I just tell someone I’m not available/interested. It is a horrible feeling to ignore someone and leave them hanging if you don’t like them. Be fair and upfront. Isn’t that what you’d want if the situation was reversed?
Q: What should I wear on our first date?
A: Well for men and women alike, I think you should dress the way you usually like to. Don’t get dressed up too much. Be comfortable. Ladies, don’t pile on too much makeup or do a crazy hair-do. Don’t (absolutely don’t) wear one of those bras that ‘add a cup’ or whatever. If a man asks you out, he likes you already. Don’t use artificial means to get more attention. You’re gorgeous au natural, so rock your God-given looks the way you do everyday. No need for 10lbs of makeup or hair product. For guys, same thing- don’t do your hair in some ‘do’ you don’t usually sport, wax your brows and etc. She already thinks your cute. Don’t get me wrong- if you have some nasty stragglers in between your brows please clean them up, but don’t go overboard.
Q: Who should pay for the date? Him, me or split?
A: Whoever initiated the date. If you’re staying old-fashioned and he asked you out, he should foot the bill gracefully. However, it shows you are thoughtful and financially secure if you at least offer. A woman who isn’t greedy or gold-digging is highly attractive. Watch out if a man tries to get you to pay, doesn’t open doors for you or isn’t a gentleman.
Q: How do I get the man/woman I am interested in to like/love me?
A: There is no way to make anyone fall in love with you. The best and most mature thing you can do is be yourself. If they like you then great. If you put on a front that they fall for, how long are you willing to keep that false image of yourself going? And when they truly get to know you and like you better or worse, dislike you – will you truly be satisfied you wasted time and effort for nothing? Putting on facades, or ‘trying to be’ the kind of person you think they’ll want is not only wrong; it’s a huge disservice to both of you. You’re awesome just the way you are. If they don’t like you, someone else will, end of story. Self improvement is never wrong, but keyword is ‘self’. Do it for you, to make your life better and as a result, be more pleasant to others.
Q: When should I bring up important, but touchy subjects? Family life, sexual history, health conditions, kids and personal issues are all in this category.
A: Well things like having a child should be discussed on the first date. It would seem deceptive if you waited any longer. Health conditions I’d say the second date, depending on what it is. Sexual history would be good before you’re intimate with them. If you both choose not to talk about it, be sure you’re at least checked for STDs before you get it on. Many people, but especially men, may not realize how pertinent it is to keep those things checked with each new partner. STDs can not only hurt your health, but they can cause life threatening cancers for the woman and even sterility. As far as personal issues and family life I would say that comes last. On your first date, your potential suitor doesn’t need to know your parents are divorced or that you had depression in high school. Just play it by ear. If you guys hit it off really well you may be able to talk about some things earlier than I’ve indicated.
Q: We went on a great date. Now what?
A: Call the person and thank them for the date, tell them you had a good time. Don’t be pushy, don’t keep calling. If the interest is mutual they will call you back. Yes, I know waiting can drive anyone nuts, but you don’t want to seem desperate.
Q: How do I know if we’re ‘Official’?
A: Well if you’re a man, I’d suggest bringing up the idea to the lady you’re interested in. If you’re a woman, wait until you’ve gone on 3 or more dates or seeing each other more than 3 weeks. I think it’s a smart thing to kind of ask what you’re both looking for on your first or second date.
Well there you have it, the answers to some of your most common questions you’ve just been itching to ask.
If there are any other topics you’d like covered, please send me a message and I’d be happy to have another advice page.